you're a mystery yourself

Sunday, March 30, 2008

12:44 AM

so i haven been blogging much due to lots of things to do. and yes, all the rubbish from the extra dollar i'm making, anywayz, i was thinking the other day when i told someone that i'm not getting as much as she does even tho i worked like ALOT! and she told me.. "seriously, its the choice of ur job. no offence" eh. to that person, thanks huh! i really needed that when i'm at the lowest point in m life. oh.. n not forgetting, i've been working there like 2 yrs alr! seriously, thank you! NOT!

"so how have u been doing darling!? i miss u that much! <3"

as silly as this may sound, i feel super fit with my new shoes! mayb its light lar. HA! anywayz, difRays will be having a game on monday, 730pm, kallang. come down when if ur free yah?! we love (or rather.. need) supports! =)

i'm going to sleep now. i'm so tired after work today... sales was super good!!! then again, it can always be better. =P so.. i'm gonna sleep now for a new battle tmr morning!

Fairytales..

11:26 PM

i realised that i haven been putting up any photos to facebook or friendster. hence, i've decided to do so TODAY!!! n guess what? i REALISE too.. that i do not have much photos of myself or of events! and why? cuz i only..... WORK... SCHOOL... HOME.... PIANO!! thank you very very much huh!!!

i took this photo during the last day when it rained..

there was a BEAUTIFUL rainbow..

just that we cannot see it.. so yah! =(

i don't have clothes!!!!!!!!! i need clothes!!!!!! and yes.. this DP top is SO SO CUTE!!! (to me) anywayz...!! =D i'm just happy lar!

so... in the mist of finding for photos.. i managed to dig this out... i think i put this up b4.. but ha!!! i still love it lots!!! GEEK rules!!! ohoh.. btw.. this was the beginning of the ASL life!!! even b4 ASL work start.. we went all gaga alr!!! TO THE ASLs!!!!!! =D

so.. the post will end just like that... it started off random.. it ends off random too!!! mummy is in japan.. n i'm starting to miss her. why!?!? gosh... i really duno how to treasure things when its all around me! =S

bye now loves-

Fairytales..

2:53 AM

the emo kid is back to update. and i'm serious abt this. i'm feeing rather emo right now. so the post is emo-ish. dun like emo stuff? dun read it then.

so.. what m i up to lately? well, school, piano lessons and BnJ. thats about it. i can't to sleep right now. i'm pretty much awake actually. mayb its the venti caramel mach i had during work just now.

i've been thinking of this particular situation lately. mayb it was just me thinking too much. but yes.. every trip to my students house can be pretty scary. why? the trip there is already so so long and yes.. during the long long trip, many sad things happened socially. WHICH i find it very painful to watch. anyway, the long trip to my student's place gave me ample time to think of the situation that i'm currently in and yes.. i think THINK i've fig it all out. and.. sigh, it brings me back to square ONE thank you very much! so.. i've decided to write on my blog and tell this someone. in hope that this someone will read it someday, somehow. and i pray...

hey you,
i've decided to write this on my blog so that maybe one day u will read n totally understand because i have no freaking guts to tell u any of this. i hate it so much when i dun hear from u. and its all a lie that i've moved on. actually, no. i've moved on. but not completely. i still (fine!! -.-) think of u. this may sound silly but yes. i still think of u. and it hurts all the time to pretend infront of ppl that nothing is really going on. both you n i know that there is something. so y r u ignoring me!? u lied to me the other time didn't u? i was silly to have done that much for u and to only know now that i'm caught in this trip which sadly, i've created for myself. so, this is just a msg for u. to let u know that ur being missed and.. and.. i want to talk to u.
i really hope u will call me soon. a msg will be good too. =) thank you!

what else can i say? i've been watching many movies. i finished step up, take the lead and princess diaries. now.. dun ask y have i got so much time to watch shows. i'm blogging at 3am! this says alot! so work tmr morning.

working at BnJ is very tiring. i mean.. all the ASL-ish stuff is really taking its toll. and esp when both sarah and i have.. i would say, pretty high expectations. i think i'm a bitch. right.. i think many ppl wil agree with me anyway. ha! wait.. so what exactly is this ASL-ish stuff i'm talking abt? one major thing i want to address is.. PEOPLE MANAGEMENT! did i tell u i hate that? i find it so difficult!!! PLUS! whats the point of having ppl part of things when they are no part of things? i never understand. whatever. i have trainings to do. oh yes.. did i also mention that i hate multiple relationships with people?! if i did not, now u know it.

so.. i'm signing off now. going to bed. its 3 am and i'm working at 1030am. mayb if i can wake up i will church. ha! i'm looking forward to tomorrow. oh yes... the days are scarying me too...

goodnight.

i've warned ya! its emo.

Fairytales..

11:55 PM

i'm REALLY tired. forensic psych lecture is not making things any better. i thot its gonna be fun. but guess what? i think i'm actually having more fun in cog neuroscience. okay. dun laugh at me. well.. the other day, i was at pasir ris again to teach. god.. i hate going there. its so far! and not forgetting, the bus services is kinda messy. oh wells. 2 more times n i will not go there anymore. hmm.. or maybe, i should drive more often so that i will be able to get someone to sponsor me a car to drive to student's place! =)

"oh oh.. hmm... i wanna ask u something.. is there... is there... is there.. shit! i forgot what i wanted to say." totally not true!

hmm.. i was so close to asking, to letting him know and to find out once and forall. but guess what? chermaine is being the oh-so-coward person again. instead of moving forward, i moved backward. i surrender. i'm giving up now. right now. yes dearies.. u did not read it wrongly. i'm giving up now. its tiring, i don't see a point. and yes.. if u want to find out more, just ask me cuz i'm really tired.

"god.. forensics psych tmr 9am-4pm! after, piano lesson. then tennis. its gonna be a fun day yah?"

oh right.. chermaine put on weight again. not that u actually bother lar. but ha. yes. tennis tmr.. plus, netball game on wed! hopefully there is training on friday. if not, i'll just go make myself fit! =) but i figured too that i will need kinda alot of tappings. i'm slowly breaking down. God always remind me that i'm getting older by the min. tsk tsk.

i'll stop my post here for now. i'm so tired! i'm going off to bed.

Fairytales..

11:55 PM

"so what am i suppose to do now?! wait? just here waiting for u to reply a simple msg? well.. i know ur feeling sad and all. but please, give me this chance to make everything better. please."

i don't know man. school started, work load is on its way to the peak! on top of that, the ASLs are working harder due to the $1 pay difference from other scoopys. thanks hur. its tiring man. like seriously, i need a holiday, a getaway just to let things slow down. i don't know how long more can i hang in there.

"so what did u say? oh right.. are those hints? are the things that u said real? tell me! i don't want to guess.. just... be nice."

A level results out today. well... friends did really well i guess.. but then again, some will just sigh and yupp.. thats abt it. what can i say man? if i did A levels in MI, i will prob die for my results. then again, friends who took A levels, i know this is the stupid cert that stupidly determines ur future. i still believe, its Gods plan. he plan it well for me and i'm sure He will for u too. then again, u might just disagree with me. in any case, i do hope that u will make the right decision for ur future.

"what do u say for dinner? huh? i might just go over to ur place. but won't that be.. weird?"

so.. i've been working hard.. jsut not hard enuf for some issues. maybe... u were right. i should be a guy sometimes and just.. u know, let all the girly things behind. i will not be able to make everyone happy anyway. plus.. this is taking a toll on me. and i hate it. i can just cry now! i ran today.. after 2 weeks. ran short distance, 3.6km but took a super extremly long time. so long that i can't remb how long i took. in any case, i found this wonderful spot that allows me to get back to nature, as much as possible thank you. this spot, allows me to think. and i hope i can really really think it thru.

"i don't know what to tell u. i'm lost. i'm scared. will u try to make it better? cuz i'm trying."

things happen for a reason. and i guess, somehow, i m paid $1 extra for a reason, studying psych for a reason, going thru this horrible thing for a reason. gosh. this is really tiring.

"i think i might like u"

Fairytales..