Chermaine

2011-06-01T07:47:00.000-07:00

i really don't like to feel this way.

thank you

2011-02-11T02:42:00.000-08:00

I've thought about what I wanna write for this post about half an hour ago. Guess what? I, totally forgot everything I needed to say. oh wells. this is a clear sign of lack of sleep or being overly troubled.

I'm not feeling at my very best these days. perhaps, its due to the pressure from NIE and having to submit everything soon. In addition, i'm trying hard to fit back into the school culture and the workload. I'm scared. and let me tell u, coping with anxiety is something that NIE did not teach me. I am anxious, scared, nervous, (and all the other vocabs link to that line).

Recently, I've asked myself, what is it that I live for? Is it for my family? Is it for myself? Is it to find a soulmate and have a family? its a tough question. And for all those people who actually know me, you will know that for me to find an answer for myself is almost impossible. I've always wanted a family that communicates and love each other. Not the kind you watch on TV where everyone is cuddly but rather, each and everyone in the family do love each other. I'm not talking about material love here. I am talking about respect for each other, accepting each other as a member of the family.

Now, I know its early, but i'm thinking of the kind of family I might have in the future. Monkey see, Monkey do. Does that mean that if I live in a family unit that don't respect each other and I know its wrong, I will be just like that with my own family in the future even though I try my best to change it? Every parent want to have a perfect child. They also want to have a perfect life. I learnt from Mark yesterday that parents need to make sacrifices to bring the best of the child. Does that mean, not spending time with each other and only focus on the child? What happens to the family unit then when the child is all grown up? The child did not choose to be born. WE as adults chose it. its a scary thought isn't it?

This week at NIE, there are lots of frictions between me and the group. I realised thatI should not stick with just one group of people. My knowledge will be very very limited. But oh well, its already the 2nd last week till i'm back to TS for practicum. As for my current group, I guess, I am too assertive when it comes to work. But, let me tell you this...I am not afraid to ask what I do not know and I am willing to tell you and share what I already know.

Working with students with disabilities and their family made me more aware of the smallest group of people in Singapore. not many people want to work with them and many (sad to say) do not know that people with ID lives among our communities. well, is this a good thing or a bad thing? I guess, it had make me a more sensitive and detailed person. I think a lot more now, I relate more to things and I feel for the other more. Good thing? Not quite. I'm in pain for knowing or being able to predict the outcome and I feel HELPLESS. I can do NOTHING but only turn to God for help.

After my Degree program at JCU, I was happy to know that I can do a degree program and that I am not stupid! I passed and I am working in a SPED school now. sometimes I blame myself for taking the route less taken. It is painful. Others will say that it is a good thing but seriously? The recognition you get from the norm... lets just say, close to none. It was a tough time for me ever since Secondary school and I got THIS FAR.

SO..........................

To all the mainstream school teachers out there who is reading this, I have got ONE thing to tell you. Treat students with dignity and respect. They are humans with emotions, just like you. Please, for the sake of world peace, do not ignore a student's cry. Yes... it is easier to help a child score an A1 when they are already getting an A2. but... there are A HUGE LOAD of students out there who needs you to hear them out. to seat with them. Please DO NOT ignore their cries. Teaching is not just about getting your name up there on the list, getting a good grade for yourself or getting a good pay increment. Think about it.

I am thankful for the opportunity that TS gave to me and sent me to NIE for training. NIE taught me many things but, how many of these knowledge can I use when I am back in school? Lets just say, close to 50%. the other 50% is not applicable to me for now. What is interesting is that I am still excited to go back to school to put everything I've learnt to practice...

Do you see my confusion and how I feel from the above paragraphs? I wanna lead a happy normal life where everything is nice. I seek perfection but I know that perfection is impossible. All good things have to come to an end. And I am telling you... I am scared that things will end. But I know, it is not within my control no matter how much I try to prevent it from happening. So.... do you still think I am strong?

2010-12-23T08:17:00.000-08:00

18 weeks more to go!!

okay... promise was this.
NOT TO CRY till you are home. I'm sorry. it seems a little difficult now.

As the saying goes.... it will come to a point in time where all pretty things will stop, all sad things will stop and all things will come to an end. I count down, all the time to something- to the day you return home, to the day I graduate from NIE, till the day I go back to TS to teach. i pray and I hope, for the best every single time. I guess, I do not have much confidence in my abilities, thats why, i have to hope and pray.

I'm sorry.. I cried. I miss you way too much and I do not have the confidence in myself to keep to that promise. Its difficult to try to block the distance out of my head. I lost count of the number of weeks since I was with you.. therefore... I need to let it out. I need to do small things to keep you close to me. I need a little of you near me. Sorry I don't make any sense right now.

You seem far away from me. More so now than before. I don't know why. I'm glad you like your little christmas present. =) I wish I can fast forward just a tiny bit.. to the day you are home.. and then i'll look forward to me going over in June.

I do not know if you feel the same way as I do. I feel helpless, I feel stupid, I feel ignored. I can't do anything about it and this sucks a lot. I feel so stupid to be crying while typing this post. I know I promised and all. I feel that no one understands what I'm going through. They think we will not make it cause of the distance. They are not listening to me. I wanna talk to you the entire day because I feel that I am not giving you enough.

I know I'm a little needy. I know I depend on you a lot. right now... I wish u will poof right infront of me and stay till its time for you to wake up and carry on your day. I'm sorry to emo right now.

I have nothing else to say..

2010-12-05T07:27:00.001-08:00

20 weeks!

okay.. I kinda made this little promise thingy with myself that I will not cry (cuz i'm sad and missing you oh-so-much) for the next 20 weeks. Its possible right? HAHA! 140 days!!!

I'm kinda sure now that its 20 weeks.START THE COUNT DOWN! =D

mmm... i've been doing absolutely nothing for the past 2 weeks. I miss going to NIE for some reason. I still feel like a sloth most of the time... roar* I will start the readings tomorrow!!!! oh no!!! that reminds me.. results are gonna be out soon! VERY VERY SOON!!!!

should i go for a run tomorrow?i feel fat and sloth like.. *bloop*

2010-11-15T06:34:00.000-08:00

Now, I've something to count down to... =D

Its currently 24 weeks till I see you!!! =S
Please come back soon. I really want you to come home. (tho I highly doubt that will ever happen)

Many things in life, we take for granted. And when we lose it, we fear, we cry, we panic, we don't function normally. Hence, I've decided to take the first step to make it all right.. to only know that I did it all wrongly. A fool proof plan was to work out just right and just as I imagined. it did not. only bringing me disappointment and I, seriously, did not feel so horrible in my life before, that I shake with fear, turned cold, and just cried in one corner.

I can't help but to think, is this all we can do? to see things go the way that it is going? Its like, if you were to see a rabbit on a fast rapid, will you save it or will you just let it go? After talking to people who cared.. they said, just let it go and make do with it. Is that how society has led us to think and be? What kind of culture are we embracing now? I'm confused. I really am confused.

Despite trying and trying, I fail, again and again. To the point where I don't know how to stand up and just remain crippled at the side. Thank God for some passerbys and people who truly care, they helped me stand up. Then again, I'm weak and if they were to let me go, I will crumble and fall and maybe even just die.

The moral of the story is this.. To me, i feel that no one in this world should and need to walk alone. There are people out there who are willing to help and are wanting to help. No one should ever walk alone.

Love someone today. And feel the love.
Love passionately. And feel the passion.
Love others like how you want it to be. And you will feel how you wanted to feel.
Love someone today. And feel the love.

2010-11-10T06:25:00.000-08:00

Dear you,

There is so much feelings to tell you and I don't know where to start. I'll find a place to start anyway. =)

I miss you till I wanna die.. yes yes.. u will say I won't die. but hey.. seriously. not seeing u online for 2 weeks now really is a test. How are you feeling dear? are you feeling the same as I do?

There are many things that I wanna thank for keeping me sane... and I should give them some credit.
Thank you pillow... for cleaning my tears away. Thank you Tidbit... for being such an awesome substitute. It is not easy being a substitute. Thank you Lumpy... for being a great friend to Tidbit. Without you, I'm sure he will leave me. Thank you workload... for keeping me occupied and my mind off the long distance.

Lastly, and most importantly, thank you you. Thank you for being just there when i need you. Thank you for taking all my nonsense. Thank you for letting me call you all the time n be so demanding. Thank you for being my endless source of strength when I'm feeling down. Thank you for being ever so annoying, just to make me laugh. and THANK YOU for just being you.

I don't know how to express my feelings right now. The mixture of love and hate is just pure annoying and evil to my mind. I've just got one last thing to say to sum it all up.

I love you. I really really do.

2010-11-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

WEEK 9 of school!!! WWEK 20 away!!

okay.. let me rant! its sickening!! so many assignments to do yet so freaking little time.. then again, i'm blogging. so what the heck! -.- anyways, just a little update about what is happening around. (not that anyone actually still reads my blog eh?) so....

1st update:
not bring to web every single night like a week ago is driving me insane. then again, i think this is a good plan. at least you can concentrate and study for ur exam while I, try to keep myself sane and complete my assignments. i miss you oh so much btw... and i hate this stupid distance apart! come back soon......

2nd update:
NIE is not giving us update!!! i wanna go on a holiday! i wanna book my tickets online, pack and go! sigh... i need NIE to tell me WHAT IS THEIR PLAN! sheesh! ohoh... some lessons are already over! (yeahness) can't wait for the rest to be done as well. I should really finish my essay. still stuck with NED 101. seriously.. this essay is so much harder than the essays I did in uni!!! wth!

3rd update:
i kinda miss working in TS. i want this diploma thingy to be over. at least in TS, i feel like i'm doing something. in NIE, i feel fat and round..stupid lecture style kinda teaching... sit all day long. *sigh* i feel like a rollly *whhheeee*

4th and last update:
there are.. *count.. 1..2...3..4...5..* I think there are 5 more assignments.. i'm looking for ppl to help me proof read my work! do a good deed if u feel that u haven been nice! =D *grins*

back to NED 101! ohoh.. did i tell u.. it won me!!!! never again will i do NED 101 AND NED 102! (i thot these mods will be the easier ones since its psych! i'm so wrong about it! goshhh)

2010-10-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

2010-10-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

HEY HEY!!!

This is super adorable and cute! HAHAHA!
I really love that bird! and the random fact about worms!
Made my day eh! =D

Thanks jojo!

2010-09-19T06:59:00.000-07:00

I am.....

counting down to the day that I will be together with you.. currently... its counting by the months.. let me know again when I can start counting by the days.

counting down to the day that you will graduate!! i can't wait for you to graduate.... =)

with all the counting downs... I look forward most to one particular type of counting down. I count down everyday... to the time where I get to see you again.. to have our little "date"....

Lets meet each other again...

tomorrow...

till then... I want you to know.. i'm waiting for you.. and I will always..... Love you...!

2010-09-16T08:12:00.001-07:00

WEEK 2 of NIE! oh gosh.... I have a total of 11 assignments and many readings! Never felt so stressed before! ROAR* this is worst then 3 yrs psych course in JCU! anywayz... make things short and sweet and everything nice.. other than the super horrible timetable I have, NIE is awesome! there is this thing about learning when i get into NIE... idk what it is but its just AWESOME! love going there to mugg.... to just learn! HAHA! okay.. silly i know... anyhow... ttfn- NIE tmr again! woot*

2010-08-11T06:27:00.000-07:00

One day... I will just book my tickets, pack up and go. =D

Lets add some joy and fun into this boring routine life here in Singapore!

next destination.. one way ticket to Melbourne! =D

2010-08-08T06:02:00.000-07:00

Hello world....

its been some time since I last blog. well, its already been abt 7 weeks, moving into the 8th week. So many things happened and yes, i don't know where to begin.

I guess, some part of me is still in melbourne even though it has been 7 week since I left that country. I missed it terribly. somehow, I find myself, time and time again, replaying the scenes when I was in melb. From the very time I left Singapore, praying hard that my relationship with Jasmine will not fall apart because of the trip, to the time that I landed in Melb airport at a God forsaken hour to wanting to visit what is left of the wonders of God's creation to meeting Mark and spending time with him and his family. Again, there is no way to describe how much I miss that place and my feelings right now.

Today, its the 6th month we are together and I thank God for every moment I have with u. Somedays, I just think that we will never make it thru this distance and it pains me so badly. But when I see you every night on web, somehow, I am reminded again and again that there is nothing that can come inbetween us. Not even the distance apart, and that it is God who is helping us through every single day. I thank God for this special relationship I have with you and I never want it to end.

Apart of me is still in Melb and this is bad... it is so so bad. I can't seem to forget the streets, the time I was there, the food, the stupid things jas and I did, the drive, the tour and just being a bummer at home. Coming back, this 6 weeks of school past so fast. I can't remember how I went through school so quickly. I can't really remember what I did.....I am going to NIE in about a month's time and yes... this is something new, something challenging and I am scared. I am afraid that I will fail again in the Singapore Education system. I am afraid that I will not do well and that is it for my life, doing nothing and being no one.

The only cure to this breaky heart is to get me a ticket to Melb. I miss every part of it. I can't decide if it is a want or a need to get out of Singapore. Maybe this is not the place for me... I don't know.

2010-06-24T06:14:00.000-07:00

I can't help but to think of all the time I spent in melbourne. its simply.. awesome. nothing can beat visiting the great ocean road, the puffing billy and the time i spent with jas just walking the melbourne streets, in search of good food, cheap clothes and absorbing all the sights, smell and sounds. it was just sad that 7 days past so quickly and jas had to go back to singapore for CU. the next 7 days was simply amazing. spending every min possible with you was beyond explanation and i wished i never had to leave esp at this period of time. I only wish that i can be right beside you. I want to go back to melbourne. its just so different from singapore. I mean, after i'm there, singapore is just... mmm... yet another city? well.. I look forward to my next visit. To visit this city again and to be with you. just right beside you.

2010-04-28T21:04:00.000-07:00

There is so many things to learn in life. Which one should I start with first?

2010-04-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

I've been in the thinking mood recently. not that I don't think, but I have been thinking just a little bit more than usual. What have I been thinking about? Just about everything under the sun.

What bothers me most now is my career. The uncertainty is driving me INSANE! yes.. insane. As the days goes by, I just hold lesser hope in getting any answer. I will not have been hurt so badly if I did not put so much expectations in the first place. isn't that what i have learnt? together with the experience I had 6 years ago, that should have made me smarter. guess what? it did not. such a disappointment.

Amist all the troubles I've been facing in life- the school work, the need and want to give only the best to all the students, the want to have a better future and to also prove a point to others that there are still teachers who ARE teachers, I have found someone whom I can call mine. Gone are the days where I will scrub the floor at starbucks and call it my loyal white donkey and the sink my prince charming. Now, I've found the real one.

God played a big role in this. Thank you Lord.

The time we spend together are just wonderful memories that I cannot forget. The time that we are physically apart, that is driving me crazy. Tho i have booked the tickets, I very much want to go over now. It is totally crazy!! I was just thinking, how it will be like when I finally get to meet him. I think its gonna be emotional for the both of us. *control chermaine control* Was reading a book the other day. I always knew that the physical touch can help "cure" a person or to speed up the person's recovery. I guess its the same theory. I am not ill.. I don't need a surgery, but the thought of not being able to hug someone goodnight, to feel the brush on the skins and to even hold hands is a little bit too much to handle.

With these, I learn.. it is the little things we do in life, just to help each other feel better. you will never understand. The extend that we go for each other, just to make sure that we are fine in everyway possible. you, will never be able to comprehend. And as I pray everynight, I hope.. that it will stay this way forever. *very fairytale-ish I know*

Remember.. it is the little things we do in life, that makes a big difference to everything. the theory is simple, if you start recycling all ur unwanted papers, the earth will get cooler each year. Same with relationships. Boy, am I glad that I met you.

I am ready to take what life challenges has for me. For I know, I am not doing this alone. I will never be alone.

2010-04-18T05:39:00.000-07:00

Hello world!!!!

I'm back to blogging! *clap clap* nothing much been happening... just working working and more working.. and yes..... spending a lot of time on my comp with a special someone...!!!!! *COME JUNE COME* i've got nothing much to blog actually... other than.. I M STILL ALIVE and i'm ready... to begin a new chapter of my life....

Bring it on!

2009-06-08T10:47:00.000-07:00

What is norm?!
Am I part of the Norm?
I need to be part of the Norm rightt?!
I think so.......
Lets all just be part of the Norm...
Then again..
What is the NORM?!

pleaseeee enlighten me!
Thank you

2009-05-25T21:34:00.000-07:00

I'm on top of the world today! =)
lets keep it that way!

hello thesisssss! you are gonna be done soon!!!
how i love and want 17 days to come and go fast!
in school now doing nothing much but waiting for ppl to come so that we can start doing the results section! oh bravo!!! finally you see results! and another one week of discussion and TADA!!!! done-ed!

shall we go watch a show?!
hearts! <3

2009-05-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

ONE MORE MTHHHH!!!!!!

i was in school the entire day today! from 1030am! argh... cabbed like crazy tdy! all for the thesis! we should claim cab fare too you know! =( anyhow.. was so productive today that i'm oh-so-tired to the point of just wanting to laze my day away... CANNOTTTTTT!!!! last 30 days! its gonna be a rollercoaster ride but what the hack?! -.-

did i mention i cabbed like crazy tdy?

anywayz.... looks like things are not that bad afterall. only wished that i could turn back time. thesis is going on fineee.... =)

starbucks?!

2009-04-27T20:41:00.000-07:00

FOURTY SEVEN!!!!!

OMGOMG!

this is the time when i start to panic. but wtheck... its so not worth the panic. anyhow, life is just thesis and work. I don't understand how can people drink a drink w/o the actual concoction... like.. having chicken rice w/o chicken, wanton mee w/o wanton! in terms of drinks.. its like... vanilla latte with sugar free vanilla, low fat milk, tall size.. won't it just taste weriddd? okay fineee.. at this point in time, you will then tell me.. "you also what!!! caramel mac, 2 pumps vanilla, 3 shorts, extra caramel drizzle!!" -.-''

anyhow.. yes, u guess it right. i'm at starbucks.. and i can't do my work cuz i'm not comfy at the place i'm at.. there is this guy sitting at my usual place and i feel oh so weird alr.. =( and.. yah.. starbucks is a place for meeting ppl right?! =P lets just leave it as such.

I thank JASMINE for doing the impossible last night!! HAHA! thank you babe!!! it is definitely one of the high points in my entire week. ohoh... tdy is going to be a good day too hurr?! =D

2009-04-21T20:06:00.000-07:00

Hang on...
Hang on...
Hang on...
Hang on...
Hang on...
Hang on...
Its only hard work away from the finishing line

2009-04-19T04:19:00.000-07:00

If only L.O.V.E never dies or attempt to die
This world will be a wonderful place.

If only H.A.P.P.I.N.E.S.S is the only thing we think about when we are sad
This world will be filled with joy and laughter

If all P.S.Y.C.H.O.L.O.G.I.S.T needs to experience the same situation as the client
This world will be covered in tears

If everyone can be easily C.O.N.T.E.N.T.E.D
We will all live in peace and harmony

If only....
This world was a little fairer
People's life will be less M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E

If only....
E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E sees things from every other perspective
everything will be love.

So, won't you agree with me that L.O.V.E is tough and everything is a C.Y.C.L.E??

2009-04-01T22:38:00.000-07:00

everytime i lose hope, it always come back up again
its like a lady who is said to die in a mths time
but hang on till 3 years.
what a fighter.(grey's anatomy)
is fighting everything in this world??
what an irony.
somehow, i feel that i was doing what i must do
do what is socially/culturally/morally/ethically right to do
and at the end of the day,
everything was turned.
everything
so now.. i'll say goodbye to what i treasure
praying now that i have something more interesting to look forward to
but till then,
i shall not keep my hopes up too high.
everytime i hope.. everytime i fall
i'm afraid to fall and fail
not again...

2009-03-31T08:45:00.000-07:00

SCREAMMMM*

OMGOMGOMG!!!! 81 more days to thesis dueeee!!!! omg!

what is actually scary is not writing up the thesis. is the data collection, entering the data AND analysising it! crap~

anyhow, internship ended today! *cries* I MISS MY CRAZY LIFE ALREADY!!!!! no more excuse for me not to do my work now. =( oh wells... i want a big big big group party. like hang out, chill out, just for funn! =) won't that be sweeeetttt? yayness...

as you can see.. its all the random randomness from me. I NEED to get my ass down doing my work NOW! so ttfn!

2009-03-26T22:55:00.000-07:00

STARBUCKS finally!!!!! =D

MUGGING MUGGING MUGGING!!!!!!!!!

Gosh.... i should have this count down thingy on my blog eh? count down to june 20th! sheesh!!!!anyhow, i duno how to start writting my essay!!!!!! so i should have this count down thing to for my words... current count... 10,000 words!

as you can see, i got nothing much to blog about. everything is on work work work and moreeeee work!!!!

back to delinquency...

2009-03-24T08:33:00.000-07:00

CHERMAINE MISSESSSSSSSSSSS..................

- blue uniform!!!!! *i realllly REALLY miss them!!! sulk*
- netball!!!!! *hayaaaa!!!!!! where did difRays gone tooo?*
- uni lectures!!!!! *i want to not listen in class yet listening in class!*
- SCHOOL! *OMG!!!!! breatheeee- i can go on the entire day abt how much i miss school!*
- days of doing nothing and not being like an adult working all day long!!!!!! *and waiting for THAT pay cheque tooo! ARGH*

why can't everyone just do things for the L.O.V.E of thing.....?

2009-03-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

GREETINGS FROM UK!

AWWW CAT!!!!! =D

meet catherine and pie! =)

BYEEEEEE!!!!!

2009-03-16T08:39:00.000-07:00

ALOHAAA!!!!

okay.. i'm blogging only because i got TONS of work to do. and also... jasmine says that she feels honored cuz the last post is abt her. so yuppp!

okay... so.. ONE school signed that informed consent! yaynesss! can't be any happier really! hmmm... lit research.. i guess its going on alright. and OMG internship is like.. whoa!!!! i'm so happy its ending.. yet.. i'm so sad its ending.. love hate AGAIN! gosh. anyways.. i got nothing much to blog other then... hmm... i'm busy...!

ohoh!!!! *wave and jumpy*
thank you so much for getting the number....!
but seriously..
its not an excuse..
i REALLY duno what to do with it.
Rather... i duno HOW to do it.

TTFN-

2009-03-01T06:17:00.001-08:00

YEAH!! the time has finally arrived! =)

*wave to jasmine...! HELLO!!!!!*

lalala~ we are so gonna have a fun time man!!!! HAHA! *bounce*

2009-02-27T07:43:00.000-08:00

lalalalalala~

i'm mugging yet again.. not now lar! =.= HAHA!

oh wells.. i dun know how many words i wrote already. But i do see that i can finish my essay real soon! =) it may not be as good as I will want it to be, but seriously, to this very point in time, all i need is just to pass! like.. pass will be good alr lar! can't ask for too much when u have really little capacity. and on top of everything, I don't know how to do it! like WTH am i suppose to critique?! *sulk* why will i wanna critique? and and and......... I know how to critique. but the speaker is a pro at her topic. what is there for me to critique on then hurr? it seems flawless! *SULK MORE* ANYWAYZ.. i'm gonna finish until study ONE and then i'll go sleep! maybe if i'm not yet tired, i will just complete study 2 as well.. BUT STUDY TWO IS uncomprehandable! arghhh!!! jia you chermaine!! well done!!!!!

yesterday was just simple... *grins* ohoh.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOJO!!!!!! i'll see u in 17 hrs more! okok!! back to topic. yesterday's supper was just awesome! like... went to eat at spize.. food was once again ALOT and and and i was super high after i ate the food. or was i high cuz of the special someone at that special place who was so happen working at that special time?! HMMMMMMMMMMMMM! *HI JOEI!!! btw! i'm still not telling YOU! lalalala~*

okay now... back to work! -.- wish me luck!!

2009-02-26T11:30:00.000-08:00

330am!

yawns.... just finished research for JW! hmm... =.= thats all about it. i m tired and stressed out! anywayz.... yupp... i've done what i have to do for work and thats pretty much the end of it. oh wells!!! i can't wait for jasmine to come home! *grins*

eheh.. jasmine....! head dun grow so big ar!

i got rejected by schools!!! =( sigh.. and more schools to call tmr! and working tmr! and and and!!!!!!!

goodnight!

2009-02-22T09:16:00.000-08:00

i just had to blog.

in the middle of churning out my 800 words introduction. let me explain... its no fun being a pro in procrastinator. it totally suck. cuz ur so darn good at it, u hate urself. i wasted my 1 week. doing nothing but slack, being emo and being all so touchy and wanting oh so badly to watch grey's anatomy! like.. SERIOUSLY? yes!!! totally serious! okay.. now help!!!!

so... i DECIDED to start writing my intro. and i m only 100 words into it. its not gonna be tough. just when will i do it. i totally hate this i tell u! *ARGH* and so.... tmr is yet another day of fun for internship... yayness... but guess what? i will prob be oh so tired to do anything again at night. and i will jsut go to sleep and hope that tomorrow will be a much better day to do work. this internship thing is kinda killing me. the time is way weird... which makes me totally pissed off! don't get me wrong.. i still love my job. i love what i'm doing and what i'm being taught every time i go there. its just that.. my time is really screwed.

this is how the week goes....
monday.. decides to wake up at like 9am so that i can mugg a little b4 heading out for work at 1230pm-5pm. then AFTER interning, i will have to go teach at YCK at 6pm-7pm. yes.. and then hopefully.. i'm not tired to actually cont mugging... (psst.... i never get to mugging everytime i reach home.. i just stone)
tuesday.. decides to wake up at like 9am so that i can mugg a little b4 heading out for work at 1230pm-5pm. after interning, i will gym with meiping till abt 8pm. that will be it... and again..... i hope and pray that i'm not tired to cont mugging.
wednesday..decides to wake up at like 9am so that i can mugg a little b4 heading out for work at 1230pm-5pm. then AFTER interning, i will have to go teach at YCK at 6pm-7pm. yes.. and then hopefully.. i'm not tired to actually cont mugging...
PS!!!!!! i never get to mugg in the morning cuz when i decide to mugg at night. its like midnight. and i sleep LATE and i wake up JUST IN TIME to prepare myself for the day. *yeah me! -.-*
thursday.. I MUGG!!!!! LIKE FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then i will go teach at koven at 530-730pm, then 8pm-9pm at pasir ris.
friday.. i will mugg! just pure mugging!!!! no working at all...! nope... nothing!!!! (maybe some friday mornings i will work.... but not all the time alr)
saturday.. slack around the mrng...teach from 1230pm-230pm in pasir ris. yupp... then i will either work or mugg.. (for the past 2 weeks... i worked)
sunday.. well.. its my day. i choose NOT TO DO ANYTHING and feel so so so so guilty about not doing anything. seriously!!

and the whole routin will go on n on n on n on...............

thats it folks... i m back to mugging at 130am monday morning!
wish me luck!

2009-02-16T08:58:00.000-08:00

back dated post!!! HAHA!
this is what wanxin, shirley and I did in class! yupp.. it was super fun!! =) miss those class days...
VALENTINE'S DAY EVE a.k.a (SAD)!
well.. i worked the opening. =) with kwanyyy!!! yayness! and this is what i was greeeeetttteeeddd with when i went into the store room!! so sweet right?? *melts*
and there is this other note which says... "... close ur eyes and pretend that the rose is a sunflower...." awwwed! *MELT*

YINKWAN!!!! u always surprise me!! with all the little things u do. =) THANK YOUU!

2009-02-11T23:13:00.001-08:00

aloha!!!! grins~

i wish somehow i have this icon thing on my blog. just like jolene's!!! *wave... hello jojo!!!*

hmmm.. nothing much is happening. but i found out that i'm making special trips to this special place to see a special someone.. *grins~

okay... update more.. gonna prepare to go teach now! -.-

2009-02-05T21:16:00.001-08:00

OH YEAH!!! mugging! okay.. not now lar...! blogging how to mug! -_-"

anywayz... this is really a weird weird day... i'm actually having the want to mugg and to complete my essay today. so YES i'll complete my essay today. its looking pretty good now tho. =) only 3400 words to go!!! *what a motivation* anywayz... i'm mugging at valley point starbucks!!! seriously.. i can mugg better here than at GWC starbucks. god knows why. =) oh wells...

ohoh!!! so about the no fast food thingy... i've survived..... *1,2,3,4......... 37* 37 days yo!!!! HAHA! only like... another 328 days more! HAHA! okok.. shut up! -_-" hmm.... everything is looking good!!!! probs here and there is expected. oh.. i like where i m now. =)

so... its gonna be a good day! =) thats basically all that i can say!

cheerios!

2009-02-03T09:18:00.000-08:00

so i'm sitting here infront of my comp again, thinking.

i just want this 4th year to be done fast! its killing me softly. like seriously, i duno how in the world i managed to survive all these years working and studying. adding on now, when i gave up one of my jobs, an opportunity pop right infront of me that i cannot say no to. and i really love what i'm doing. but hey.. i need time to breathe. i think will not be able to breathe properly from work overload for a couple of mths. so people, beware of me... i get nasty! HAHA!

then when someone just pop up from no where, i will thank the Lord God for hearing and answering my prayer. i m only waiting here yo... just sitting and waiting.

so i've been listening to chinese songs again. and on top of that, i've been listening to the same eng songs again and again. like... alot of times. and the worst thing is... its miley cyrus song. seriously.. her voice is really cannot make it.. but her songs are just oh so meltable. like one in a million. gosh. i've listen to that like ALOT of times.

back to the working thingy again.. i think the next to go is BnJ.. my baby..! gosh... i have to say bye to it soon. real sooon. wish me luck guys. to get all my work done, catch on sleep and hopefully, get a little something nice on vday. i know... i suck at this lar... i mean. the last vday was like.. okay.. crappy. this vday.. let me just say that i'm working. and this is the price i will pay for being too demanding and standing firm and not to settle for less. i knwo what i want.

so... i'm back to istening to miley cyrus and perhaps... start reading my 3 journal article. or mayb i'll just do that tmr?! HA! gosh.. i'm so so so screwed hur?! count down.... 5 more days to xculture due. and i m not even close to starting. gosh....!

good luck

2009-01-19T09:42:00.000-08:00

I'm suck a slacker!!!! yawns. i did practically NOTHING today. just teached one student and thats about it. sian~ anyhow, I need to blog. i had lots of things to blog abt say at 11pm.. after talking and chatting to so many ppl online.. i duno where to start blogging alr.

thinking about.. yes.. my future yet again!!! i need i need I NEED to know what i'm looking for!!!! maybe i should just go find a job somewhere and work there a few yrs then change job. or should i look into a career?! what about just sticking to BnJ and take up the position of a manager trainee? omg.. choices and decisions in life! yawns. i just want to go back to sec school and u know what? its all planned and placed in place.

was just thinking too... charmaine told me a story that her friend told her. now i wonder, who will be my apple picker? what if.... i change the story cuz its modernize age now, and drop when i see the apple picker of my choice?! or or OR i choose not to leave my tree when the apple picker wants to pick me?! haya... u see.. there is ALWAYS so many things to think abt! omg!! i so should start doing my essays! tell me abt a hell week ahead man! -.-

anyhow.. work is getting boring again. the travelling is not making things any fun! sigh. should i gym on wed? omg.. i met my friend on the bus tdy and i almost died cuz she told me she lost 4 kg in 1 mth! and i'm like.. I HAVEN LOST ANY WEIGHT! i should just turn to starving a few days and see how hur?! ohoh.. one of my new year's resolution.. NO FAST FOOD for the year! HAHA! i'm good okay!!! i've survived 20 days!!!! another 345 days to go!!! woot! *stay positive*

so.. 1st marathon of the year....! SAFARI RUN 2009!! in rememberence of AH MENG! well.. mayb i should go for the next one in.. may.. adidas sundown. then in july, milk run and and and then in aug army half marathon. by aug!!!! i will do my 1st half marathon!!!! *i hope i can survive and my silly knee can take it* and then... standchart 21km too at the end of the year! wow!!! MARATHONS! =D love me-

ttfn-

2009-01-13T19:28:00.001-08:00

so.. people been asking me "hey cherm.. whats up with ur last post?"

well.. let me just tell you that I m in the state of confusion. when u have tons of DEADLINES to all the projects and hurdles u get from school, trying here to get ur team going, working and working. yupp... you get confused and emo about the last controllable part of ur life which in turns is not really controllable at all.

been searching for jobs. went thru quiteeee a bit. sending tons of emails hoping somehow that they will reply me soon. when ur grads are dying bit by bit.. the only possible thing to do is to cheong for the last yr. hoping that my last yr grades will overshadow all my other grades and that i get the job!! just the job. omg. *scream*

2009-01-11T07:33:00.000-08:00

its all about what ifs...

what if....
what if i'm not ready to move on,
not ready to accept something new?
what if i do accept it finally and move on,
and i realise that its a wrong decision made?!
what if i don't move on,
and i realised that its a wrong choice made as well?
what if you are the one?
what if this whole thing was just a big huge cover up for our feelings?
and what if i don't think this will ever work,
but still go with it just because...
what if i'm the one for you,
but i choose not to be?
and lastly, what if we were never meant to be?

what if i'm still caring for you even till this very day?
will u say that u do too?
what if i'm just waiting
and wanting to hear from you?
what if i'm just wanting oh so badly to be ur good friend,
will u ever know that?
what if i'm here to say to you now that,
its all up to us and i'm really trying here.
what if feelings can't be kept for too long,
will you then accept me for what i will tell u in future?
what if this is all gonna come to an end,
will you tell me that u really hope it did not go down that road?
what if all i want to let u know is that,
i want to be ur friend,
will you journey with me on this road?

will this what ifs ever pass?

2009-01-08T21:52:00.000-08:00

so.. i've been doing work.. ALOT of work recently. you know, the usual.. rushing for datelines... i would like to use DEADlines for now. looking at the 2009 schedule.. its gonna be like a mad year.. with trying to finish my thesis by june 20th and from july on, to job hunt like crazy! oh wells. i do hope actually that some soul will approach me. or maybe, i will just go for some course... how does neuroscience sound?! hur hur.

alright now, so i'll be getting down to churn my essay again. stil thinking of how in the world m i gonna finish the culture one. AND churning out the method section for thesis. OMG! *help*

and so.. ttfn! till we meet again on this page. -loves-

2008-12-31T19:46:00.000-08:00

Aloha love!

Jan 1st.. new year, new start, new you- as what everyone think it is. HA! anywayz... Happy new year... may all ur resolutions be achieved by the end of this yr!!!!!

so.. on the 30th, went to timbre... fun fun FUN! =D i love timbre.. u know.. its such a sad sad thing cuz i love the atmosphere at the arthouse but i love the band in substation. sighs... anyway, timbre was fun and now i'm broke. thank you very much. (hey hon!! =D thanks thanks.....! i pray and wish that u can fly one day. dun be a land fairy lar...! must upgrade!=P)

so.. i got a new blog skin. nice hurr?! i guess some online people stole my last picture! =( i love that picccccccc!!!! *screams* ANYWAYZ... i like my blog skin now. tho its not the best one ever or the most ideal one ever but still... okok... i'm making no sense actually.

so i actually got called back to work for 2 days this week, making it 4 days working at BnJ. OMG! its not that its not a nice place to work or i don't want to work.. its just that its... draining.....! esp when i dun work THAT MUCH anymore. PLUS... i haven practise my pianoooooo!!!!!!! =X *helppppp!*

and so.. what is my new year's resolution u may ask.... well..... -grins- ask me hur..!

TTFN-

2008-12-17T15:03:00.000-08:00

Its 7am in the morning now. gosh...! God knows why i'm up so so early. *sulk* i'm in fact yawning. but i just can't go to bed. sheesh! okay... so sorry for not blogging again. i promise its gonna be a regular thing again. =) and and!!!! my tagg board is GONE! *help!* so yes..... u can't really comment anything.. muahahaha! =(

spot the irony... laughing and sulking at one same thing. hmm... life have been justtttttttt that recently... I-R-O-N-Y! its like, i ate irony for breakfast everyday or something. sighs. well.. maybe cause christmas is getting near... its here infact. then again, each and every year, it get more and more depressing. whats the true meaning of christmas?! why can't we (i do just mean I) go back to the past where everything was a fairytale.. we believe in santa, that he will be come into our house (not from the chiminy duh!) and put presents in our stockings and he will eat the christmas cookies and drink warm milk! why oh why!!!!

Christmas now is like... just another day... where it is also a season of much spendings. every year, my budget goes up up up and burst! gosh!!! this is really depressing! *sulk* oh man!!!!! and that resulted me in not being able to sleep till 10am and actually waking up at 530am instead?! God! i think i'm gonna have a horrible day ahead of me! OMG!

As u can see.... i'm blogging unusually ALOT! which actually means something alr! =X has frisbee game yesterday in CJ with yanling and her canoe teammates which ended up to be all guys... okay.. know what? i will just stop there regarding the game! its depressingly fun and memorable!

I miss the time where i get to see christmas tree in my house... put up lights.... have a little fight over where to put what.... going out to orchard to see light ups. well. all those ended when i was say....... pri 6? my sis was only K2.. lucky me sad her? perhaps. sigh.... why m i such an emo person that remembers the past and wanting the past so so so darn badly? and also to what something which i know that will never ever happen in this world but yet... still believing in it deeply. sometimes i wish i do actually grow up a little more in thinking. i'm still in my little fairytale land where all bad things will come to an end with a happy happy HAPPY ending!

you know... its like what walt disney's stories tell you when you are young. the ugly can be with the pretty (beauty and the beast) the lonely and forgotten can be remembered and loved one day (cinderella) there is such things as humans flying and fighting off evil people in the 7 seas (peter-pan! i love tinklebell btw) and and.. there is a 100-arce woods in the dreams of a child.... (winnie the pooh)... gosh.. and everything has a fairytale ending....! why can't this happen in real life hur?!

i remb watching on you tube this one song... goes something like...
"every girl can be a princess.. you don't have to learn to be one by wearing all the pretty stuffs. just be good in your heart.. fashion can be learnt!....." something like that lar....! okay... emo is over... good morning... good night!

2008-11-27T08:20:00.000-08:00

okay...! so many people told me to start blogging.. and hence, i'm blogging again.

i've got only a few random thoughts.

1... i dreamt 5 times about this person this year! and i think its a story continuation.....
2... i feel FAT!!
3... i'm working tmr.....!
4... i miss you!

ONE thing TWO do THREE words FOUR you.....! I LOVE YOU!

thank you very much.!

2008-10-20T07:05:00.000-07:00

I DON'T LIKE YOU!
go away....!

I really don't know how to react to this particular situation. its so new, so annoying and so so so childish! okay.. anyway... i would like to thank everyone who wished me happie birthday!!! thank youuu!!! =)

ps.. SARAH YU!!!!! you ar!!!! i will remember all the stupid things that happened today!!! muahahaha!!! i can black mail you! =P and and.....=) *somehow i find, you and i collide*

2008-10-11T04:58:00.000-07:00

and so one day... i decided that i should have alone time... and i did. a good time to just think it all thru, have a little fun with nature and hmmm...... visit the places that i really wanna visit! and this very day, i went to, sentosa!!!! =)

emo..... and with a little company. =)

bye...!

2008-10-01T11:16:00.000-07:00

so.. i've decided to play this thing again. tho long time ago, i did not want to play it cuz i found it kinda silly. then yinkwan decided to send it to me and get me to do it! and so i did..... and here was my result.. please do not laugh! pity me infact! this was the long long long long time ago result....

How to Play
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. No cheating.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

How are you feeling today?
Stop n stare
Will you get far in life?.
Last kiss
How do your friends see you?
Patience
Will you get married?
Your guardian angel
What is your best friend’s theme song?
Iris
What is the story of your life?
Happily never after
What was high school like?
Everlasting love
How can you get ahead in life?
Good people
What’s the best thing about your friends?
Breathless
What’s in store for this weekend?
Fall for you
Describe your grandparents.
All for one
How’s your life going?
Time machine
What song will they play at your funeral?
Leavin’
How does the world see you?
Beat of my heart
Will you have a happy life?
Can’t help falling in love
Do people secretly lust after you?
I’ll try
How can you make yourself happy?
Sorry
What should you do with your life?
Somebody’s me
Will you ever have children?
Twenty something
What song would you strip to?
Best day of my life
What does your mum think of you?
Nobody knows
What is your deep, dark secret?
Take a bow
What is your mortal enemy’s theme song?
Closer to me
What’s your personality like?
Say ok
What song will be played at your wedding?
Collide

and so... decided to do it today again!!! and this is the result....!

How are you feeling today?
You are the one
Will you get far in life?.
Grace Kelly
How do your friends see you?
One
Will you get married?
Better in time
What is your best friend’s theme song?
bad day
What is the story of your life?
Don't dream its over
What was high school like?
You and Me
How can you get ahead in life?
With you
What’s the best thing about your friends?
when you say nothing at all
What’s in store for this weekend?
someday we'll know
Describe your grandparents.
Bubbly
How’s your life going?
So close
What song will they play at your funeral?
stop and stare
How does the world see you?
So yesterday
Will you have a happy life?
tengo un amor
Do people secretly lust after you?
Magic works
How can you make yourself happy?
Girlfriend
What should you do with your life?
Somebody’s me
Will you ever have children?
fall for you
What song would you strip to?
how to touch a girl (seriously!)
What does your mum think of you?
you and i
What is your deep, dark secret?
She will be loved
What is your mortal enemy’s theme song?
Beautiful soul
What’s your personality like?
Beat of my heart
What song will be played at your wedding?
You are the music in me

SERIOUSLY!!! some are really funny. but some are like...awww! HAHA! oh wells!

2008-09-02T09:33:00.000-07:00

i've finally decided to blog. OMG! this is what i REALLY need now. a 500g choc cake! ate half of this baby the other time in school with wanxin! OMG! its super yummy... banana choc cake from awfully chocolate which is awfully nice and sinful! gosh. having exam now. so yupp.. so sorry eh. was super duper lazy to blog. =) its like... now u see me, and now u don't! =P

before the day i had to go for physio... i got to go and have a look at the SGH physio center.. well thats REALLY scary to me. but guess what? its actually even more scary in AH! OMG! haha!!! see that pic? we... me and cat went insane waiting for her turn.. seriously, SGH is like a shopping mall which have many sales going on! its crazy! oh yes.. lavinia.. our little chilli padi went bonk with us too! =P HAHA! so much fun on that day!!!! woot cat!

and so... sarah and i decided that it is high time to give YK her b'day gift alr.. OMG! we took SUPER long to give it to her.. sorry YK! HA! went to popeyes and had a really fun time watching fireworks too!!! i love that display of lights and colours!!! we seriously have to hang out more!!! i miss the 2 of u... and why? cuz it makes me smart!!! =P

TEACHER'S DAY!!! omg... seriously... its been ONE year and 2 mths into teaching piano!!! how time fly! i still remb the very 1st time i taught..gosh... i was so so so freaking nervous and seriously, i doubt my capabilities. but now, HA! i kick some ass!!! not literally... trust me! these are the teacher's day gift from my students.. aww so sweet hur? =D

today... difRays went out for team dinner. =P to say BYE BYE to hannah. oh gosh.. i never knew this very day will come.. its like... this sunday! i hate this man...! the team is getting smaller by the days. i wonder sometimes, how long will this team stay... AS A TEAM. =) i'm worried. well, worrys aside... i got some asses to kick, some real mugging to do! HAHA! =P gosh. 4th year is coming to an end too!!! what m i gonna do after?! sheesh!!!! BnJ till i find a job? or full time piano?! ARGH!

well, i guess i really want to know what u think abt this.. am i too boyish to really not be able to find a boyfriend? or m i just being a plain idiot who will never get a boyfriend... or maybe, i m just not suitable for any guys? OR i'm suppose to be married to God? gosh... if thats the case, i think i fail as a wife! HA! seriously.... what will u tell me if today is my last day on the planet? what will u tell me if i was to die tomorrow? i realise.... only when u are gone or going... u will be missed. otherwise.... its really hard... i'm serious...!

kicking some ass now... =D

2008-07-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

muttfin and toffee! OMG! look at them.. so happy together! HAHA! okay.. class was bored! ohoh.. JCUS shift!!!!!!!!!!!! omg.... seriously... i never travel so far to school before. yawns. OH!! n i'm on shopping spree again! shoots... did i mention that i;m broke?! HMMMMM!!!!!!!

the other day.. i decided to go take a look at a physiotherapy center to prepare myself. HA! okay.. not a very comfy place.. i hope AH is much better then SGH! anyhow, catherine was having her session. GUESS WHAT?! okok... u prop would have guessed it.. she slacks!!!!! OMG! slacker!!!!!!!! i guess i will slack too lar.. its so tough! OMG! strenthening......... yawns!

this is a pic where catherine got so pissed off with the machine! was it 3rd set cat?! HAHA! sh almost died! i will too! anywayz... i still want my BBQ Chicken wings! OMG!!!! i need wings!!!!!!!!! hate it when i want some food n i dun get it! yawns.. HA!

summary of my current life...
-haven been studying
-haven got the motivation to START studying
-work? right.. its a little tiring...
-netball was boring.. (cuz i did not play!! OMG!!! just watching is torturous!)
-getting a little afraid of not being able to teach well? nah.. wait.. maybe. HA!
-teaching is getting tiring too!

main point... I NEED TO FOCUS! OMG!

2008-07-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

i'm sorrryyyyy! =(

u see... blogging used to be my kinda thing. then when i had exams, studying is my thing and blogging, well, when i'm in that state n mood to blog. then again, studying was fun!! =D how i miss studying and all the funny funny lectures and friends. =) well.. 4th yr now, crucial!!!!!!!

pairing up with some classmates that made me really kinda over reacted. now, i've accepted it and go to mailing and all. how i wish still that i was paired with ppl i choose. then again, blessing?! long story larr! HA!

BnJ.. working there is like working in ever changing stress!!!! stress goes UPPPP then goes DOWNNNN!! then up again... n then down. i tell u!! HA! its like a rollercoaster ride.. its FUN tho! =P oh wells... i wish i can stay there forever n ever n ever sometimes with no closing time and with the ppl i'm working with. its exciting i tell u. =D anyways, i love the fact that things are going on so well here at GWC. i mean... lets just stop here. =)

netball trainings... OMG!!! FRISBEEE!!!!! never knew ultimate frisbee was so fun!! monday again!!! YEAH!!! haha!!! i love netball trainings. its ever changing, teaching, training stamina, game play, coming up with "uniquely difRays drills" and and.. off course, MR PRATA! OMG... i think they will get richer with us around.. HAHA!

hmm... i signed up for the nike 10km run.. after much thinking and maybe just a little push from my dear friend justin! HAHA! i guess i have to sign up then i will train for it... which is what he said!! gosh.. i dun like it when he is always right abt this kinda stuff! HAHA! JUSTIN!!!!!!!! -_-"

anywayz.. i'm so so so sorry for not updating for so long... i TRIED!!! but got too lazy.. n tired... and and... okay.. thats enuf hur?! HA! when i feel like it again, pictures willbe up. till then........

LOVE!

2008-06-29T09:25:00.000-07:00

aloha loves.. i'm so so sorry once again.gosh... all the constant naggings from ppl is really not helping eh. HA! oh wells... so, i finally decided to blog again tho i really should be planning training for tmr. oh gosh.. i tell u, its one hella week! sheesh.. i'll be working everyday next week!

so, i'm hooked on to the song always be my baby. well, i prefer the mariah carey version. its so 90s, so old school. so love it! =D grins. but BUT i still like the david cook's version.

i'm currently in this emo-potatoe mood again. well, mayb i have been doing tons of thinking. u know.. over relationships and all. its getting a little complicated see. maybe, i'm not as good as i think i am, or rather, i may not be as brilliant a leader as i think and see myself to be. then again, oh wells! -_-"

sarah's birthday!!! yayness, went out with her and yk and had popeyes! and and we got her balloons for her princess day! =P

anywayz, days are getting shorter.. i mean, recently, i've been thinking quite a bit. and i long to start school. u know, school is starting tmr. well, today. and what will i be doing?! trying to shop! gosh. what m i thinking of man?! anyway, i wish u were right beside me to hear all my shit. sometimes, just crying it all out mayb a little better! HA! its emo talking.. =P

2008-06-22T11:27:00.000-07:00

i'mmm so so sorrryyyyyy! =(

alright.. i did not want to blog for awhile, well, its just the blogging thing- duno what to say, dun feel like saying, i got no time (such an excuse!) all i can say is my life is such a bore now. its like work, teach, more work, more teaching. well.. i dun even have the time to do the research that i promise myself to do!!!! plus plus..... i need to run! n all that netball trng is not helping at all. sheesh. anyway, tmr.. finally.. i just wanna nua at home! -_-"

so.. working at BnJ have been a little bit confusing. donald is giving me the scare sometimes! HAHA! then again.. its fun working and guess what.. i did 2 weeks of sunday FULL SHIFT! no joke my man.. its so tiring.. and yes.. i'm blogging this at 232am after a full day of work. why m i complaining man?! well.. shits happen. just ask me and i may just tell u! HAHA!

hmmm.. i need to get my research going! its like.. i lost everything after exam.. no more steam to go on after exam.. i just want to nua. like seriously...! i haven been sleeping THAT much in the past! fatigue hur?! sheesh

anyhow... goodnight.. i want to nua again! -_-"
fyi.. its my new hobbie! nua-ing.

2008-06-07T09:56:00.000-07:00

this is how my friday went...... at least, for most of the day.. live with it people!!! i extract it from yinkwan's blog! HAHA! it pretty much did the math for me alr.

uncle donald was being nice today. he bought me a $7.20 lunch from the tips i think? it was salmon don from kuriya. and guess what? its all spoilt by spring onions. rahh. and i had so much trouble trying to pick them off my rice? and all he did was to stand there and laugh at me. and he had this essentric milkshake which gave me funny feelings after drinking them. i think he added some green tea powder into it? yucks. and he says that i'm going to have to work at dempsey if i dont like it. hmphf. like as if that is a threat. HAHAHAHA.and you know, they were gone for so long just to have a 42$ lunch between themselves? and i was like, starving. so i messaged chermaine.

me: the starving sheeps are crying for attention from the lost shepards.
chermaine/donald: pray harder.
me: our father in heaven, holy be your name, your kingdom comes, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. give us today our daily bread, forgive etc. (the reason why i put etc was cause there were customers and that the message limits had already reached)

then they came back."WHY YOU NEVER FINISH YOUR PRAYER? NO FINISHED PRAYERS, NO FOOD. AND SAY HAIL MARY TOO!"wth?!

starbucks and went to chermaine's place with princess sarah after work. she kept complaining and i kept having to give her important life lessons along the way. so important that she has to remember them all her life. d: but anyway, i really, really love hanging out with the two of them. its like, typical girls' day out, which isn't that typical anymore these days. and i swear i can be on chermaine's piano for 2-3 hours without chermaine being around, because she possess some kinda aura that makes me forget my notes and expression. must be the 'piano-teacher' stress.

BYE NOW!!! mug again! sheesh.. ps.. i dun like forensic psychology.!

2008-06-06T09:50:00.000-07:00

sorry!!! i haven been blogging for the longest time cuz of exams. OMG! like what jasmine said, i'm like a cocoon when it comes to exam time.. when wil i become a butterfly?! when exam finish lar!!!! HAHA! so... exams have been pretty good for me.. at least, i think, it is... -_-'' i figured that i've donated a huge amt of money to starbucks... "ice caramel machiatto grande please!!! oh.. with a dome lid! thank you!" OMG!! i'm the freakishly freaky kuku customer who drinks only that WITH a dome lid... n there is NO whip cream in it! yes.. please dun comment!

my hang out.. i love this place.. and.. this is NOT a table.. its the sign board.. coffee again tmr!? what if i build tolerance?! what abt withdrawal symptoms?! omg.... thats psychopat.... throw it away chermaine!!!! sheesh~

was at aden's place one of the weekends where i dun have to study AS YET.. and so.. he MADE me take this pic.. he's so cute hur hur?! HA! okay....! if only he talks... i will love him even more. =P oh... and did i tell u i bought tamagochi?! yes... OMG! i was stressed!!!! its all exam's fault! plus plus... its GSS time....! plus plus.. its buy 1 get 1... wa lao.. i just HAVE To get it please! =X and so... i got it...! ha! look at this man!!!!

and so... on the left is the father.. called jae and the daughter on the right.. called JiJi! Dont say anything if ur planning to! HA! n its SO cute! i'm sorry lar!!! okay.. anyway.... in the mist of studying for exam.. i chance on a HOT GUY! who can cook, looks hot and is from AUSSIE! whats more perfect than that man?! OMG! introducing... curtis stone..! so.. there is McDreamy.. and now, HAHA! McHottie! live with it man...!

and i want this book!! i want i want i want! my birthday is coming...! HA!
back to study! BYEE

2008-05-16T06:44:00.000-07:00

kill me like now!!! gosh.. i'm suppose to be studying. well.. not exactly hur?!?!?!

well.. what have i done today.. say.. shopping online?! yes.. OMG! shopped at F21, charlotte russe and VS! please slap me! -_-" well.. planning to spend say 150 bucks at F21. this is not fair!!!! why is everything so nice?! GRR! anyhow, i'm still getting it!!

so.......... sat tmr.. how i hate saturdays. mayb i should just replan my days.. say.. NEVER work on SAT AND SUN! yayness.. then then on sunday.. its BEACH day.. or hangout day with friends, living the high life on sundays only. god... how i wish it will happen. sheesh.. its so far away man!

so.. mummy asked me what i'm gonna do after obtaining that super expensive degree (pgd). well.. i duno man.. i see NIE in sight.. i see ARMY in sight too.. shit.. i feel that my degree is so not what i want man.. wat happened to sports psych hur?! feel kinda useless right now. in all seriousness, i dun see myself in this psych area at all.. counselling? ask wanxin and christine how i did in counselling class and u will NEVER want me to have a career in counselling. why m i in psych hur?!

tmr.. work! sunday..WORK.. monday, PUBLIC HOLIDAY, MORE WORK!!!! walao... i got freaking NO LIFE LAR! -.- anyway... i've got to get back to studying now... ohoh.. did i tell u? i actually want and love the new pink scoopy tee! kill me now plz!! its not only PINK its also a SCOOPY TEE! so much of only wanting polos cuz its nicer. hurhur!!

BYE!

2008-05-12T12:30:00.000-07:00

a little back dated hur... the people who visited ME and yes, the ice cream.. and and, paul and CY too!!! =D i love ice cream! screammmmmmmmmmm!

so.. on the unofficial last day of school, after social psych midterms, wanxin, carol and i decided to eat popeyes!!! and.. how came i not invite jasmine man?! and sooo... jasmine n vivian came as well! OMG!! singapore flyers AND popeyes!!! it was such a pretty pretty day. i mean, LOOK! its a CLEAR BLUE SKY! and and.. look!! i'm in a sundress!! and and and LOOK!!! all off us look SO pretty!!!! =D i love school mates! =P

and so, i think this is a super artistic shot! -.- wth.. but its super nice!!! i love the sun on tt day! its soooo warm!! =D anywayz, i want to go there again.. TI KO PEH HILL!! muahaha!!!

and see.. this is what happens when we leave singapore flyers.. wanxin emo!! she wants popeyes!! =S

2008-05-03T07:35:00.000-07:00

FREE CONE DAY UPDATEEEEE! =D

so the ASLs worked hard to prepare the schedule, think of how FCD should go, calling ppl to work for free on FCD and many other things that u guys duno. ITS NOT JUST SCOOPING PLEASE! ahahah!! n the office ppl.. n DONALD who helped out to prepare, staying up till late at night. off course, the scoopies.. who scoop n scoop AND scoop till they almost died! great job guys!! =D

preparation...!
ITS INSANE!!!! stayed till say 1230AM to prepare!! omg!

we went insane starting from 830! =X by 1230.... i was DEAD! thats y i'm on the floor! its crazy man!! never knew that there was SO much things to do.. the thinking n burning of brain cells is eh... not helping. anywayz... pre FCD was fun.. PLUS.. cherilyn blew up tons of balloon that we had to keep in the store! -.- and here's the outcome!

wellll.. xinjian always make the best of situations. he's always having tons of fun lar.. tho i grumble a hell lot when i can't get to the safe! in the end.. hahha! xinjian tried to get to the tinny box to get paper and the recon!! haha!!! i have love/hate r'ship with balloons!!!

anyhow, FCD finally came.. reporting time, 10AM! well.. i was there at 9AM hoping SARAHH will be there but NOPE! she was late and caught in TWO jams! -.- HAHA! oh wells. it went oh so fun larr!!! tho we did not have the WORST crowd of the century.. it was good. great fun! this yr.. was not much scooping. more running around, checking things, making sure.. omg!!! tough job but helllotta fun! =D

in the mist of it all.. 3 funny people pop up in the queue.. yes... the 3 kinda hyper people who decided that ICE CREAM and FUN was more impt then HELPING the store.. -.- which.. by the way, i totally love what they did cuz its FCD!!! u need a cone!!!! whats more fun then being a scoopy AND a customer hur?! so... guess what?! i KINDA joined in.. but back out cuz there was not enuf ppl to help in the store!! tknx guys for being customers when the queue was like =S.. HAHAHAH! i love u all the same!!!!

we all worked FULL SHIFT! meaning.. 10AM-830AM! omg.. can die larr! butttt guess what?! we went insane!!! yes.. even for donald!!!! why do u want the cloth n cardboard to be in the pic?! hur hur!? anyhow, hahhaa!!!! it was so uber.. insane!!! we tried to slack at the worst time.. n yes.. yinkwan was the person who.. LOVE to slice open bulks AND knows how to sharpen the knife!
-.- teach us yinkwan!!! =D

when it all finally end at 7PM!! omg.. what a relief!!! we were so so tired.. seriously, the crowd at GWC wasn't as bad as in RC! i thank god for that! n yes.. the 2nd photo is aizah's woosh!!! "we must woosh!!!!" "where is the woosh!!! now now!!!" omg.. aizah is like the hyper sec school girl!! team my man!! TEAM!

and when its all done.. its at dempsey..where we just get HIGH!! our 2 new/not so new scoopies!!! introducing.... LIMIN and CHERILYN!! hyper ppl!!! not as high as tt flamingo in the center of them both and that monkey like giraffe! AHAHAH!

and thats how FCD went.. it came and went sp quickly..

2008-04-20T00:39:00.000-07:00

i've decided to put up another post. this time round its really gonna be a post. not the random photos, the random funny crazy acts, but more of.. yah.

so, i was reading this one person's blog just now. btw, i miss this girl alot. somehow, friends do come and go. i duno what is the relationship i have with her anymore. but i still miss her lots. been thinking of her quite a bit lately. we do not know each other tt well. at least, not to the extend that i will think of her at the very moment of crisis. nevertheless, she was my really good friend. i miss the time i talked to her on the phone over little probs. maybe, just a couple of times, where i really had no one to go to. she was my listening ear. then again, i duno if i was this impt to her. well, i guess, it comes to a point in time where we all move on.

looking thru photos from the past leaves me with this awkard feeling. mayb those were my happy times. what m i chasing for now?! why did i react in a certain way?! its all part of it i guess. i mean, those photos were so nice. so pure. everything just, u know, fall into place. but what seems to be missing in those photos at that time was forever. i duno. but forever seems really impt to me. i have friends whom i dun talk for a long long time and still get back from where we left of when we talk. i love having conversations like those.

so please girl, i hope u know its u.. tho many shit kinda happened. say.. u moved out. u never wanted to leave- at least at that time. but u seem all happy now at ur new place. plus, i heard of ur promotion somewhere last yr. congrets. i never got the chance to tell u personally. well.. we were waiting for u n the other friend to come back so that we will be tgt again.. but i guess, u are happy at where u are now. i dun ask for anything, but just remember that u had once a friend like me. treasure those memories u had when we hang out n all- tho its not alot. i miss u.

well.. this post seems to be really emo. but i guess, i really wanted to tell this person all this. i was always tt close to calling her but never got the guts. so i only hope that she reads my blog and got it. i dun think i make it obvious tho. ha. well.. its all God's plan. =)

2008-04-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

so.. FCD is just around the corner. say, 10 days away?! yupp.. i'm so excited! =) anyhow.. pre FCD crazy stuff! omg... working with that 2 there is like ultimate craziness! seriously! they are really really really.. Blond! thanks hur...! =D

so one day in class.. singapore's skies play pranks on us singaporeans again. never seen such nice sunset. it took abt 30 mins for the sky to get totally dark. can't really see the nice colours from the pic tho. it was pink and yellow with tinch of blue n purple with much white n orange.

then one day.. i just had the craving for that food up there. hur hur. miss it quite a bit. had it after dinner as dessert! omg! did i tell u i m growing fatter each day!? it seems like i just put on 5kg!

one day... xinjian decided to pop into the store again.. then lavinia did.. n we decided to have NU! yah.. sounds wrong. HA! but it was fun.. i love NUs. all the stupid crappy jokes, trying to figer things out and yadda yadda. HAHA! that picture over there.. was taken by ahem.. me HAHA! well.. see, i made a mess with that "fence" and lavinia was being nice to help me put back.. and me being NICE too took a picture.. then xinjian n i ran away leaving her to be in tt position for say... 40secs?! HA! that was lots of fun!!! =D dun get angry lavinia!!! =)

the other pic.. well.. i was RUSHING my essay when i saw limin playing with BnJ balloon. yupp.. u got me right. well, she was like a seal.. using her hat and head to keep the balloon from touching the ground. AMUSING! omg..HA! that got me laughing SO hard while attempting to do that suicide essay which almost.. ALMOST got me into suicide! god! HA!

so, the week ends off with me, doing yet another research. one down, 3 to go. omg.. m i suppose to be happy?! i've been spending lots of money recently. like going out with yinkwan tt day to esplanade killed me! i shall keep quiet abt it.. HA! plus... bought things from F21.. which i think is very worth my $$.. so.. no complains on tt matter. have been trying out many good food. OMG!!! food in singapore is so not cheap! now.. i duno what is cheap... it seems like a meal can cost as much as a branded dress now! its just scary! =(

anyhow... its back to work now! omg!!!! help!

2008-04-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

the saying goes.. "what goes around comes around"

now, the situation!
a friend was mean to me. but i guess, she really didn't know she was being mean. but anyhow, i was mean back to her. so.. the saying is right.. what goes around for HER comes around for HER! then again.. i was being mean.. so what goes around for ME comes around for ME! do i make any bit of sense here!?

i wanna say i'm sorry. but guess what? screw it. i dun think i should. i've been thinking. plays of possible situation have been playing in my head. for various reasons, i would say that its like the angel and devil trying to talk things out among themselves n me off course. now, dun be scared abt what i just said. i mean like in cartoons you watch when u were younger or even now.

n it has been true, friends come and go. only true friends stay. cliche?! yah.. very much. but still, i do believe in it. funny how we believe in stuff that we deemed as cliche eh? anywayz, my circle of friends is that small but i m making NO effort to keep it that way, instead i would rather lose some friends. adding on, i would make a good fucking bitch if i had kept them. i'm not saying that i'm the good girl here now. but seriously, i think it was the last straw in that case. then again, i hate to just lose friends.

dear all, see how confused i am again? i duno how things will work out btw my friend and i now. but whatever the case is, it definitely is going with the wonderful karma saying. and dear all... its the end.

i.. rest my case!

2008-04-10T23:15:00.000-07:00

I LOST MY DIARY! omg..

dear you!
have fun in NS! i'll see u soon! =D

So.. how should i describe school now?! its kinda a bitch lar. i have NO MOOD to start anything.. i lost my motivation to even start studying for anything. I know i have to do all the studying and all.. PLUS.. i have a MAJOR essay due nx friday. and yes.. the KAN CHEONG spider have not started on anything! thank you very much hur. i guess, its real time for me now to sit back and think what the heck i want to do with my life and finally get started with work.. somehow, there is something in me that dun want to start.. the kan cheong spider in me is hibernating man!!!!!

the lost of my handbook is NOT making anything better! like seriously. i have all my brain storm stuff in there.. but its only for social psych. god!!!! okay.. i need to calm down and THINK! what the heck should i do tmr?! time is RUNNING OUT!

btw.. i still can't get back to that track. i miss being stick n stinky! *yewwww!* sorry.
i pray that i can go back running soon! =X

2008-04-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

i guess, i'm a slow learner to social stuff. not about school work now. more on literal! anywayz, its on the basis of trust. TRUST babes (n hunks)!

a little note to the person i'm refering to:
hey you,
you have been such a pain in my life. thank you very much for all the "research" u did. it helped me so much. but guess what? its nothing glourious! with u publicly washing all my pretty ugly things, do u think i will appreciate your help? oh.. i forgot, u did it on ur own accord! thanks but seriously, no thanks! so.. here's a little msg to u, please stop being such a pain in the butt! i very much appreciate that more then u glorifying urself all the time at the expense of me being greatly humiliated.

once again, i'm in class doing every other things but listening to my tutor. HA! i realise that there is 894759836 things to study and i so really have to start right now! like TODAY! and yes, i will be doing something about studying soon. now.. where should i study? i don't like to study at home, got too much distractions. i dun think BnJ is a good idea too. =P ha!

BnJ news!!!!!

FREE CONE DAY(with that ice cream!)
29th APRIL 2008
12pm-7pm
(Great World City, United Square,
Raffles City, The Cathay)
ONE DAY EVENT ONLY!

going to listen to class now! =X

2008-04-03T20:52:00.000-07:00

i have been very much slacking these days. i think i should go to school. not going to school leads to slacking at home, even tho i know that i have to do like 8375o16 work! yesterday, wanxin gave me the biggest shock of my life- assignments are due in 2 weeks. i'm half a sememster away from graduation and yes, this is scaring the shit out of me. what m i going to do after i graduate man? i have an extra one yr to think wht i want to do due to that postgrad year. am i ready for what is to be thrown at me? something psychological maybe?!

the other day, i had a netball game. tho difRays lost, i guess, we are all happy with the score and the way we played. we haven been doing any court work and in the end, we played real hard. 15 in quaters! we have never done that long for 1 quart. thats a great achievement. i'm proud of u team! on the other hand, i hate it when people do stupid things. adding on, she embarassed me. what am i to do? i realise that after that incident, i don't want to talk to her anymore. everytime i see her, i tend to just look away. what am i to do?!?!

i'm at BnJ now, doing my researches and decided to blog after trying really hard to find articles. omg.. i'm tired. it makes me wonder sometimes tho, why do i do somethings that i can't comprehand, understand or even realise tat i'm doing it. subconsciously i believe, i still want to help her. but i believe, lerdership and fertigue is taking over more then my EQ. i'm not bothering anymore.

now back to research.

2008-03-30T00:44:00.000-07:00

so i haven been blogging much due to lots of things to do. and yes, all the rubbish from the extra dollar i'm making, anywayz, i was thinking the other day when i told someone that i'm not getting as much as she does even tho i worked like ALOT! and she told me.. "seriously, its the choice of ur job. no offence" eh. to that person, thanks huh! i really needed that when i'm at the lowest point in m life. oh.. n not forgetting, i've been working there like 2 yrs alr! seriously, thank you! NOT!

"so how have u been doing darling!? i miss u that much! <3"

as silly as this may sound, i feel super fit with my new shoes! mayb its light lar. HA! anywayz, difRays will be having a game on monday, 730pm, kallang. come down when if ur free yah?! we love (or rather.. need) supports! =)

i'm going to sleep now. i'm so tired after work today... sales was super good!!! then again, it can always be better. =P so.. i'm gonna sleep now for a new battle tmr morning!

2008-03-22T23:26:00.000-07:00

i realised that i haven been putting up any photos to facebook or friendster. hence, i've decided to do so TODAY!!! n guess what? i REALISE too.. that i do not have much photos of myself or of events! and why? cuz i only..... WORK... SCHOOL... HOME.... PIANO!! thank you very very much huh!!!

i took this photo during the last day when it rained..

there was a BEAUTIFUL rainbow..

just that we cannot see it.. so yah! =(

i don't have clothes!!!!!!!!! i need clothes!!!!!! and yes.. this DP top is SO SO CUTE!!! (to me) anywayz...!! =D i'm just happy lar!

so... in the mist of finding for photos.. i managed to dig this out... i think i put this up b4.. but ha!!! i still love it lots!!! GEEK rules!!! ohoh.. btw.. this was the beginning of the ASL life!!! even b4 ASL work start.. we went all gaga alr!!! TO THE ASLs!!!!!! =D

so.. the post will end just like that... it started off random.. it ends off random too!!! mummy is in japan.. n i'm starting to miss her. why!?!? gosh... i really duno how to treasure things when its all around me! =S

bye now loves-

2008-03-16T02:53:00.000-07:00

the emo kid is back to update. and i'm serious abt this. i'm feeing rather emo right now. so the post is emo-ish. dun like emo stuff? dun read it then.

so.. what m i up to lately? well, school, piano lessons and BnJ. thats about it. i can't to sleep right now. i'm pretty much awake actually. mayb its the venti caramel mach i had during work just now.

i've been thinking of this particular situation lately. mayb it was just me thinking too much. but yes.. every trip to my students house can be pretty scary. why? the trip there is already so so long and yes.. during the long long trip, many sad things happened socially. WHICH i find it very painful to watch. anyway, the long trip to my student's place gave me ample time to think of the situation that i'm currently in and yes.. i think THINK i've fig it all out. and.. sigh, it brings me back to square ONE thank you very much! so.. i've decided to write on my blog and tell this someone. in hope that this someone will read it someday, somehow. and i pray...

hey you,
i've decided to write this on my blog so that maybe one day u will read n totally understand because i have no freaking guts to tell u any of this. i hate it so much when i dun hear from u. and its all a lie that i've moved on. actually, no. i've moved on. but not completely. i still (fine!! -.-) think of u. this may sound silly but yes. i still think of u. and it hurts all the time to pretend infront of ppl that nothing is really going on. both you n i know that there is something. so y r u ignoring me!? u lied to me the other time didn't u? i was silly to have done that much for u and to only know now that i'm caught in this trip which sadly, i've created for myself. so, this is just a msg for u. to let u know that ur being missed and.. and.. i want to talk to u.
i really hope u will call me soon. a msg will be good too. =) thank you!

what else can i say? i've been watching many movies. i finished step up, take the lead and princess diaries. now.. dun ask y have i got so much time to watch shows. i'm blogging at 3am! this says alot! so work tmr morning.

working at BnJ is very tiring. i mean.. all the ASL-ish stuff is really taking its toll. and esp when both sarah and i have.. i would say, pretty high expectations. i think i'm a bitch. right.. i think many ppl wil agree with me anyway. ha! wait.. so what exactly is this ASL-ish stuff i'm talking abt? one major thing i want to address is.. PEOPLE MANAGEMENT! did i tell u i hate that? i find it so difficult!!! PLUS! whats the point of having ppl part of things when they are no part of things? i never understand. whatever. i have trainings to do. oh yes.. did i also mention that i hate multiple relationships with people?! if i did not, now u know it.

so.. i'm signing off now. going to bed. its 3 am and i'm working at 1030am. mayb if i can wake up i will church. ha! i'm looking forward to tomorrow. oh yes... the days are scarying me too...

goodnight.

i've warned ya! its emo.

2008-03-09T23:55:00.000-07:00

i'm REALLY tired. forensic psych lecture is not making things any better. i thot its gonna be fun. but guess what? i think i'm actually having more fun in cog neuroscience. okay. dun laugh at me. well.. the other day, i was at pasir ris again to teach. god.. i hate going there. its so far! and not forgetting, the bus services is kinda messy. oh wells. 2 more times n i will not go there anymore. hmm.. or maybe, i should drive more often so that i will be able to get someone to sponsor me a car to drive to student's place! =)

"oh oh.. hmm... i wanna ask u something.. is there... is there... is there.. shit! i forgot what i wanted to say." totally not true!

hmm.. i was so close to asking, to letting him know and to find out once and forall. but guess what? chermaine is being the oh-so-coward person again. instead of moving forward, i moved backward. i surrender. i'm giving up now. right now. yes dearies.. u did not read it wrongly. i'm giving up now. its tiring, i don't see a point. and yes.. if u want to find out more, just ask me cuz i'm really tired.

"god.. forensics psych tmr 9am-4pm! after, piano lesson. then tennis. its gonna be a fun day yah?"

oh right.. chermaine put on weight again. not that u actually bother lar. but ha. yes. tennis tmr.. plus, netball game on wed! hopefully there is training on friday. if not, i'll just go make myself fit! =) but i figured too that i will need kinda alot of tappings. i'm slowly breaking down. God always remind me that i'm getting older by the min. tsk tsk.

i'll stop my post here for now. i'm so tired! i'm going off to bed.

2008-03-07T23:55:00.000-08:00

"so what am i suppose to do now?! wait? just here waiting for u to reply a simple msg? well.. i know ur feeling sad and all. but please, give me this chance to make everything better. please."

i don't know man. school started, work load is on its way to the peak! on top of that, the ASLs are working harder due to the $1 pay difference from other scoopys. thanks hur. its tiring man. like seriously, i need a holiday, a getaway just to let things slow down. i don't know how long more can i hang in there.

"so what did u say? oh right.. are those hints? are the things that u said real? tell me! i don't want to guess.. just... be nice."

A level results out today. well... friends did really well i guess.. but then again, some will just sigh and yupp.. thats abt it. what can i say man? if i did A levels in MI, i will prob die for my results. then again, friends who took A levels, i know this is the stupid cert that stupidly determines ur future. i still believe, its Gods plan. he plan it well for me and i'm sure He will for u too. then again, u might just disagree with me. in any case, i do hope that u will make the right decision for ur future.

"what do u say for dinner? huh? i might just go over to ur place. but won't that be.. weird?"

so.. i've been working hard.. jsut not hard enuf for some issues. maybe... u were right. i should be a guy sometimes and just.. u know, let all the girly things behind. i will not be able to make everyone happy anyway. plus.. this is taking a toll on me. and i hate it. i can just cry now! i ran today.. after 2 weeks. ran short distance, 3.6km but took a super extremly long time. so long that i can't remb how long i took. in any case, i found this wonderful spot that allows me to get back to nature, as much as possible thank you. this spot, allows me to think. and i hope i can really really think it thru.

"i don't know what to tell u. i'm lost. i'm scared. will u try to make it better? cuz i'm trying."

things happen for a reason. and i guess, somehow, i m paid $1 extra for a reason, studying psych for a reason, going thru this horrible thing for a reason. gosh. this is really tiring.

"i think i might like u"

2008-02-29T00:31:00.000-08:00

met up with justin like FINALLY. i've got nothing much to say actually. cuz that day was the BEST DAY EVER in my entire hols break! and why? well.. izen it obvious?! =) cold rock is nice. not FANTASTIC but good enuf.. i love the idea. but.. seriously.. i miss BnJ after that tho i grumble SO much abt the BnJ ice cream being OH-SO-FATTISH!

and today.. went to kellock. for i can't remb wat reason alr. went to see teachers i guess.. and eat school food! HA!.. everything just come back to me. like how i HAVE to put a finger on my lips while walking.. hold hands with my partner of almost the same height as me out of class to the hall.. and how i have to play netball in the HOT sun and RUN like forever b4 court work.. OHOH.. n the catching of tapoles near that tap dance room. its not the case anymore in the new kellock. rather, the teachers are the only ppl that make me remb things. and in my pic.. u see.. THE NEW and THE OLD respectively. i can't believe this but yes... the hymn books we use is still around!!!! introduced when i was abt pr 3 i think.. and its still here. god.. this is just amazing.. its all coming back to me now. the thot of it is just... =)

A random day out with Geraldine just make my day. seriously!! this girl is crazy man!!! going out with her makes me smile and laugh so hard that i make a fool of myself and i totally dun mind it at all. =) "HEY GIRL!!! lets meet up again. i love to meet u for dinner the next time round!"

going back to school is the highlight of this very wonderfully relaxing week. well.. school starts nx week. and its 4 mths of HELL! -.-

2008-02-21T23:55:00.000-08:00

long time. long time.
just too many things lately.

and yes, i'm still in konfuzzlement.

i miss u.

this was during CNY! thot this picture is really nice. =P

celebrated Violet's birthday after training. omg.. finally 18 and oh no to the team!!! she is gonna drink n drink n DRINK!!! =S

this made me smile. when i came in to the store during V'day i saw this from yin kwan and sarah. aww.. V'day this year was different. i guess i did enjoy it. i don't know. i think it just got me even more confused. oh well.. i guess, time is the issue to every big things from little hints.

mr mah decided to clean the entire store yesterday. look at the cabinets shine... they are super duper clean n shiny and yes.. *aham* free!!! to mr mah.. i'm sad that its ur last day. thank you so much for all the help and effort u put in at GWC. u will not be forgotten by all of us and ur cleaning will be carried on by all of us. i promise. =)

and my mom.. having fun. =X childhood days yah? ice cream and some machine at some mama shop. but this is the 21st century man!!!! no more 60cents ice cream!! no more 20 cents ride and no more mama store... its upgraded now to EIGHT BUCKS ice cream, ONE DOLLAR ride and SHOPPING CENTER!!!

2008-02-14T00:18:00.000-08:00

chermaine realise that its been 10 days since i last posted. well well.. what do u expect? after the exams, it full swing at work. and work, right.. its getting me a little pissed off actually. anywayz. its valentine's day. wishin one n all happy valentine's day! =)

well.. i just thought that i will just mention that i know abt me not blogging for 10 days just so u know that i m still up n going n kicking. =) till we meet again! =)

2008-02-04T23:47:00.000-08:00

its just pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so back dated actually!this is MOO MOO! its bad yah?! =X
almond cookies!!!! made by dylan! =)

during my exam period.. this was what kept me going. n going n going.

i love this. =) its actually a candle holder.

this cost me $2.. chai tea!! =D

went to chinatown today. this is the crowd! omg.. but i love it! =)

chinese new year coming... and.. dylan made this! =)

2008-02-02T23:16:00.000-08:00

keep holding on...

your not alone

together we stand

i'll be by ur side you know i'll take ur hand

when it gets cold

and it feels like the end

theres no place to go

you know i won't give in

no i won't give in

keep holding on

cause you know we'll make it through

we'll make it through

just stay strong

cause you know i'm here for you

i'm here for you

theres nothing you could say

nothing you could do

there is no other way when it comes to the truth

so keep holding on

cause you know we'll make it through

we'll make it throught

so far away

i wish you were here

before its too late

this could all disappear

before the doors close

and comes to an end

with you by my side i'll fight and death end

i'll fight and death end

hear me when i say when i say i believe

nothing's gonna change nothing's gonna change destiny

whatever's meant to be will be perfectly

yeah yeah yeah yeah....

2008-02-01T23:19:00.000-08:00

difRays ran a total of 3.6km today!!! in 2 halves. 1st 1.8km we clocked 12mins. 2nd 1.8km we clocked in 11min 30secs.! =D great job guys! even tho training is tiring and it is on a friday, i do appreciate all the hard work put into it. well.. see my team is going somewhere now! =D

exam was like hell!!! quoting peanut "we are all living in hell! and these are my hellmates!" i'm serious. 3107 and 3101 was omg.. lets just stop there. anywayz.. i'm too tired to blog. =( so so tired.. i need to sleep! so nights!

2008-01-30T23:55:00.000-08:00

i've promised myself not to blog anymore after yesterday cuz its exam period. however, i just can't resist it whenever i look at my comp and then look at the work i have to complete. once again, i'm depressed. thinking why the heck i have to rush, sprint, chase for the piece of paper! and at the same time, depriving myself of sleep, social life and everything in between. i have no life. what i really need now is sleep and off course to study for tmr's paper- stats. why oh why have i got to do this to myself? tell me! btw.. starbucks is my current and only friend.

anywayz, i found the joy in studying. believe it or not. psychomatrics was okay i think. hopefully i pass. but tmr's stats seems to be less panicking as compared to how i was feeling a day ago. the feeling of fear from the day b4 exam till the time i handed up my paper. the constant "Dear Lord..." and the "hail Mary..." i know.. thats my strength to keep me up and going till now. you have no idea how stress i m. so.. 4 papers, 1 down, 3 to go. its gonna be fast! i can't believe this still. soon its friday and i haven prepare for saturday's lesson yet.

recently, i met people that i wish and prayed that i will never have to meet them again. its tough. in dempsey, in GWC and every other places. well.. i've got nothing to say. just that its tough. i m hanging on.. so.. to that special someone. please hang in there too!

so.. the day went pass.. speaking of which, remember the times where we just not know abt anything else but just the fact that the world is a beautiful place? ppl now think and feel that the world is completed and free from evil and everything else when they found their true love. no.. thats not the case for me. now.. is it cuz i'm still single? well.. i don't know. what i know is that i have no life. work n study. thats all i do. shit. this is bad.

remember the times when we were younger and everything is just so nice? o one backstabs the other. secrets are always kept save? well.. as u get older, secrets are meant to be for oneself. not to be shared even with ur parents. as we grow older, we learn. the wonders of human's words and capabilities of being the smartest of everything. so.. what did u say again? i'll keep it as a secret. its hard to know who is the one that u can trust nowadays. its funny how things works.

secrets are to be kept. but some love to share it with friends whom they think will keep the secrets for them. now would u keep my secret??

2008-01-29T11:35:00.000-08:00

Chermaine is tired.. Chermaine is sad.. Chermaine needs a blue sky holiday!

omg.. its tuesday!!!!!!!! start of 1st paper tomorrow!! how stupidly fast! grr!!! PSYCHOMATRICX! darn it! i duno if what i studied is enough to even get me a pass man! i've got more confidence in STATS compared to psychomatricx. how silly! -.- anywayz... these days are fun! =D

ps. photos will be up once i finish my exam.. so check the post back again n again.

ohoh... n the netball team ran 4.4km on the last training. from GWC to Dempsey. i know. i'm silly to make them run so far! but it was really really really fun! tho stepping into dempsey was not at all fun. rather, it was pretty intimidating. sigh. anywayz... so we clocked 28mins 30secs. okay.. lousy timing.. i promise the team will run faster for the nx training!!! =D

CNY around the corner.. =) so... went to chinatown the other day with the family. wow! its interesting man!! =D will be going again! was fun! u guys, if u haven been there yet during CNY period.. please please please go!! =)

so. chermaine will be going to continue with psychomatricx.. =( well.. its the 1st paper tmr at 2pm. its gonna be a fast week ahead! i mean.. seriously...!! its already tuesday!!! grr.. it seems like sat was yesterman! =X

2008-01-23T23:59:00.000-08:00

i left a few more pages to finishing psychomatrics. but why did i decide to blog even tho i dun have anything in particular to blog!? i don't know too. gosh. i tell u.. this week is hetic! yes.. u spell it right.. hetic. it cannot be worst then this man. i can't wait for the holidays. its ONE MTH! how amazing. my school having one mth hols.. so looking forward to it. ohoh.. n i finish studying for counselling!!!!!! thats like the high point of my current life!

well.. i m working tmr too. opening till 630pm. see.. workaholic. *dear chermaine.. u think the store will not survive w/o u izit! work so much!!! go study for a better future please!* guess the day is being wasted off again eh? well.. kinda. i have to start on stats. at least breathe a little on it if not i will definitely not make it this time round. grr.. why must there be examinations?! it only test how much we know. not pur abilities! shit.. thats part of psychomatrics. AHHHH!!!!!! yawns.

can't wait for friday too. i feel fat thats my whole main point. friday will be the time i can run again!! yayness! n n... all the adrenalin.. oh. endorphines too? haha! n yes.. thats another day being wasted off! why!!!!! somehow, i want the Ds but i think at the rate i'm going, if i can get Cs, its a blessing. OH LORD... guide me!!

its a wonderful thing how i can just make friends. hmm.. met this guy today at GWC sushi place. well.. i dun wanna talk abt him no more. unexpected ppl came today to BnJ! well..its pleasent to meet u!! n i'm glad that things are not awakard btw us since u haven been talking to me for the longest time ever. i'm just.. glad. hannah is coming home!!!! which means, got more ppl for trng and and.. more ppl to work!!! HAHA! =D

tell me why..
why do i know that we cannot n will never be tgt,
and i still wait for every possible moment,
that u talk to me,
or call me,
or simply, anything!
and i lied.
i'm sorry.

2008-01-21T20:39:00.000-08:00

"see this school up on the hill
quiet tall and standing still
kampong bahru's little light
growing glowing shinning bright..."

well.. yah. school song. its been a long time since i sang it. and believe me, i miss it. as silly as it may sound. okay. so this thurs, Os result will be out. "all the best to my little friends!" my sistere just showed me the school's newsletter- SPARKS. well.. what was it called during my time again? eh.. anywayz.. i realise too that all the teachers who taught me are GONE! not all.. but those that did make significant impact on me like mrs phang. sigh. well.. i duno man. so much abt missing school for now. sigh.

back to reality- results for PY2107 is out. yes. bittersweet again. got a PASS!!! then again.. its STATS. so i should be happy that i did not fail stats! but watever man. its like BYE BYE honours n HELLO post grad dip! -.- argh. so now.. i should be panicking cuz its 2nd last sem and i have exams in NINE days time!! N-I-N-E!!!! sheesh. so.. chermaine is doomed! thank you very much!

yesterday had class gathering. well not exactly class.. its more like friends gathering. the once-in-a-blue-blue-blue-moon do we meet friends gathering n we went to eat!!! nt ehn cuz all of them dun listen to me talk.. MUAHAHA!! we went to cathay to eat ice cream!!! why of why m i making myself put on weight! tell me!? n why oh why did i go cathay n help them with sales?! HAHAHA! selfish thinking! =X

so.. chermaine is now BACK to studying!!!! counselling....!!!!

2008-01-18T23:12:00.000-08:00

omgz.. so tired! i ran like got close to 6km today! gosh.. i ran about 2 km b4 i met up with the "team" at 6pm at GWC! b4 i met the team, i ran to find another route n i did!!! next week, i will bring my team to run there! (think they will kill me lar!) =D hmm.. so we met up n ran like 4km. i think its about there.. total count.. 6km today! i think i'm nuts! -.- anywayz.. so we ran n ran. but not tiring at all. kinda slack. since its the 1st training after so long. i hope nx week will be better! =) photos will come up LATER! ohoh.. good job guys!!!!

hmm.. so.. chermaine is kinda panicking already. u see.. exams are like at the end of the mth. what m i doing now? yupp.. blogging.. but there is alot for u guys to know! =P at least, for those who reads my blog. n n.. tomorrow, i will be going to my uncle's place to "play" with my cousin n hang out with the family. right.. n i m like 3 chapters behind for psychomat! shit! HAHA! i shall start on counselling soon! i feel dead! do u feel dead for me alr!? hur hur!

think i m a workaholic. think i touch on that alr. see.. i'm working on sunday. which i m happy that i m.. i can't wait to head back down to chuch on sunday. but my darling yinkwan is stranded at home. n i hope she will be killed for going church with me n then work. sheesh. i need a standby! -.- anywayz.. thats abt it for today. ntohing much happened!! ohoh.. i finish ONE chapter!!!! happy with myself. HAHA! n yes.. its a long day tmr! teaching again!!! somehow, its a love hate r'ship again! yawns!!!
bye from the ppl who RAN! =D
ttfn! =D

2008-01-17T13:09:00.000-08:00

i'm having class at 2pm. and i'm still not prepared to go to school. i'm still at home, watching TV and yes, blogging. i'm planning to be late for class thats why. -.- its OB.. come on.! haha!!

you know recently, how stressed up i got due to exam and BnJ and all the other things in between.. yah.. if ur wondering if i'm still stressed up, well the answer is nope. i'm coping well. yes. the word is cope. in psychology, esp in health psych and counseling, cope is the big big huge huge word that is very difficult to express in words. only in action. when there is stress, it might just lead to depression and yes.. counselling n all after which teaches one how to cope! well, me being a psychologiest in practise, i m actually facing problems with coping. never thought that it will be this hard.

and then again, when everything seems to be going down hill once again during the most critical period of time, i turn to my Lord for help. n yes, i do regrete that i did not do that for the past one yr. i'm still guilty. these few days, He is always there for me, leading n helping me to find things out, cope with things. most importantly, helping me out with my life of pure struggling with work n school. i wish somehow, i can not do either. i m kinda tired actually. what m i rushing for again? i need a getaway.

so recently, there has been the times where i just sit n cry n think and all. but it all turn out fine in the end. silly me for doing all those. i'm glad i closed that chapter of my life and open a new chapter to my book. i love opening new chapters.

so now, i will be able to concentrate in studying. ohoh. did i mention that i have only completed ONE chapter where i've plan that i have to complete say 4 already by today? yes. this is how UNMOTIVATED i m! -.- well.. i hope today, tonight, i will find the want to study and finish at least 2 chapters. i'm screwed right?! ha!

ps. did i mention too? i hate exams! yes. =X

2008-01-14T03:30:00.000-08:00

did i tell u that i haven been to church for the longest time ever?
did i also tell u that God works wonders?
did i ever tell you that i feel that he is not with me most of the time?

well.. He works wonders. and seriously, He is with me all the time. is just that, i have forgotten about Him. and i do feel horrible. the truth is, when i feel down and confused, i pray. and i do realise that i forgot how to pray. and now, i remembered. i call Him. and this is all i have to say.
"Dear Lord, guide me..." He still answer my prayers. what happened today was the wonderful work of my Lord. and i m going back to church.

i'm confused and i'm stressed up. work is piling like piles n piles n PILES of money that some CEO earns. i wish that the amount of work i have is money actually. ha. that aside, i realised now that my perception of the new change has always been wrong. i realised that it was a change worth looking forward to. now, i have more work to do, with all the things i have to set down for the store, the exam that is approaching and the number of things thats on my plate. somehow, i wanna toss it all away. its not me to do that really.

what i really need now is friend's support. you guys out there.. chermaine needs you. its not that i only need you when i need you but.. u get what i mean. i'm tired and i want to sleep. but somehow, things are going through my head and i really cannot sleep. why!! i'm yawning, i'm tired, i just did work, i worked!!

what's wrong with me!? i wanna drive. i wanna run! i wanna be skinny. (right.. that came out the wrong way) in all seriousness, i m just tired, shocked and yes needing a hug badly. all i need now is to talk to God. i'm going to go back on track. yes.. i will.

2008-01-13T00:14:00.000-08:00

its yet another entry. somehow, i always feel the need to blog. oh well.

this tiring week is coming to an end. in just one more day! its been really a screwed up week as far as i can remember. where i have to attend john tan's lessons. plus plus.. i have to finish up my essays! jasmine being away for only 5 days seems like its been 2 weeks already. i'm getting a little emo here. let me be okay!? just for today..

the work is piling. not only school work.. exams are coming. also, the endless number of problems and things to settle in the store. i feel so.... managerish. i m somehow glad that my co-workers are really helping me out. which is a blessing. thanks guys! well.. chermaine worked 4 days this week. and and another 4 days next week. i really really have to cut down on working where exams are like 2 weeks away!!! -scream- but hey!! there is no one to work! plus.. all the things i have to do. taking orders, plus the oh-so-friendly when to work program and off course, the lack of staff!!!! i really hate that u know! grr.. i will hang in there. i will!!!

things are just not right. i drove the entire day. well, almost. i got up today at 715am to prepare myself to go to work at koven! gosh. thats just the begining of the day where i have to wake up SO early.. n the day b4, i was doing closing at GWC. well done chermaine! after, i drove to koven and was.. yes! LATE! to add on to all these, the students are not being any nice to me. i can't finish the things i wanna do! grr. okay.. i m calm. really. =S

then then.. i get 3 or was it 4 miss calls from mayvina. telling me that my dearest yinkwan did not come to work. gave me a shock of my life! OMG! i was panicking! this can't be it! but yes it happened. mayvina was.. i think, really pissed off?! mayb not think. it is.. she is pissed. well.. i'm glad someone came n help her out in the end. wish i was at home at that time actually, so i can fly down like immediately! yinkwan came at 430 then rachel from RC went to dempsey cuz there is no people to work there. right. was angry initially cuz in GWC, sat is expected to have many ppl, sales hitting 4 digits!! however, later, like just now, i took a drive down to dempsey. n guess what?! THERE IS SO MANY PPL! not the working one but the buying one! =X its really SCARY! n yes.. thank god rachel was there actually. =D said hihi to a few ppl. and then left for home. abt 30 mins drive plus others? yah. was fun.

and now, i'm sitting here typing. also.. thinkin what else i should write for my psychomatrics essay. i need to finish it like TODAY! god!! n i promise.. i will not look back at it again. moreover, i'm waiting. so i guess, i have to be up till................

for now, i'll go crack my brains. bye!

2008-01-10T22:39:00.000-08:00

once again, i found the need to blog. weird feelings again! gosh. okay.

before i go on, i have to say that i RAN 3.4 km today!! i duno why. when my sister was home, i felt this want n urge to run. hmm. well i did. 3.4km. lets not mention about the time okay?! ha!

someone just added me on MSN. a friend which i somehow want to keep in close contact with. well, she's this netballer from RP who was in the same umpiring course as me. well as u know, i failed my umpiring. this is so embarrasing. i've wanted it so much and for all i know, i fail. sheesh. i just can't make anything good out of netball eh?! so much about being extraordinary.
-.- anyway, she added me and it all just came back to me. the 4 days that i spend with the training umpires. all were good. but know what? i'm not good enuf. shit.. i shall stop this netball umpiring thing here.

well.. as for work, i've been to the store everyday so far. n i see myself going there more often now. shit. and there is a well.. good n bad news. we got a new manager.. which also means that the current one will be gone. haiz. i'm so confused. like seriously!

CONFUSION BE GONE!
exams are coming.
datelines are due!!
i need to get the team started! somehow!
sheesh!!!!
hhhheeeelllllpppppppp!

2008-01-09T00:35:00.000-08:00

somehow, i feel that it is a must for me to blog today. its this mixture of pure excitement, contentment and everything inbetween. miricles worked on me today as i step into GWC at 12 plus. to find that i was not scared.. nor was i worried of anything that was going to be thrown at me. i was really prepared. silly things starts to happen when i have to go to office to take goods. on top of that, clear the store, make sure things are in order. kinda taking charge of these stuff makes me wonder- why m i doing this? is it really worth my time, effort? well.. i'm just trying it out. i'll take it as... a challenge? yah. and take it easy at the same time round. well well.. things might just turn like a coin.. i duno. i'm taking it slow.

so as i m writing this, i remb this morning when i was so close to msg-ing someone to let him know that i was really worried for him for what i dreamt was not good. once again, it felt so so so real. was so close to crying too. do i, subconsiously care for u? no.. i do.. consiously care for u. i'm just confused. thats about it.

its one week of pure pure waiting. i learnt new things today. feel so powerful somehow but yet.. feel so small. i hate this feeling. really. also.. an endless wait. i will just carry on and move n take when oppotunities come. so.. yupp.. thats abt it.

2008-01-06T16:36:00.000-08:00

ah yes... backdated photos... start off.. me, manda, yinkwan and sarah!! HAHA! we went to Dempsey on new years eve in the afternoon. Gods plan... =) i love that phrase. makes me always wonder.. i never hang out alot with sarah or yinkwan b4. n suddenly, we are all in one huge family clique! sounds wrong but yes. HA! n we are close friends now.. "lets go dempsey"sarah will always say.. "so throw face lor!!!" manda will say. we always make her do silly little things which she will do in the end! =) n yin kwan.. haha!!! ur silly ur self. =P everything u say is funny! =) glad that all of u are part of my life n working n helping at GWC! =Dguess where we went after dempsey!? to GWC!!! met up with francis n james and joshua n had pizza feast! only that joshua ate TOO MUCH! sarah was hungry still joshua!!!!!! then in the night.. when all was well, i went to meet up with jasmine n teresa to countdown at city hall. gosh!!! the firworks display was so so pretty!!!!!! n yes.. i love countdowns! now.. spot the hidden mickey! the day went past fast. last time spending time with jasmine. n it was a blast! headed down to dempsey again to drink after the show! gosh.. this is fun man!! HAHA! drink at BnJ n lalala around.. left for home at 3am. n the next day begins.

not so long ago was francis last day of work. i never knew that it will make such a huge impact on me. seriously. i was scared n excited at the same time. to only know that i cried at the very end of the day. not because i miss him but cuz of the reality that hit me so hard. the fact that there is a change in mgr, tho the stall is gonna be the same. there is a certain level of stress.. certain level of anxiety and a certain level of unexplainable excitment lingering in me. the feeling was amazingly unexplainable but at the end of the day, the weakling me broke down into tears, hoping still for the best. i tried. and so.. here is a card for francis. for always being there for us! good luck to u francis!!!!

bye now!!!! back to ethics!

2008-01-05T01:20:00.000-08:00

reality hit me HARD!

i'm konfuzzled!!!

i want things to go back to the way it was. i love it that way!!!

i'm just gonna cry.. like NOW!

2008-01-01T23:59:00.000-08:00

so u know... many many ppl will set resolutions for the new year. me too!!!! so here's my resolutions. its simple. but yet.. complicated. lets see.. in 2007, chermaine was an over achiever. why? many many things just happened at one time! which is not good at all!!! the recent ones, the last quarter of the year have been horrible for me. been rushing thru projects, bitching around, doing umpiring test and driving test, working n teaching, n trying to find how wanxin will put it- the true love's kiss. haha! but thats really besides the point from 2007.

as i enter into 2008, looking back, i realise how much i have grown. okay. start laughing at me.. okay.. now stop laughing at me. well.. i made good friends. lose some but i dun mind. these friends stand by me most of the time even tho some friends that i lost are lost, they did stand by me at least once. may all grudges be gone!!!! for i start a new year with new hopes n wishes.

in 2007, i did not make any resolution. didn't think of its importance till now. its the same as me.. only this year realise the importance of a countdown. tho its really fun but hey.. do u know that silly things do happen during the new year too?! yes... counting down with friends makes me happy. looking at the brilliant display of fireworks makes me smile like a kid looking at ice cream! drinking to begin the new year is a good way to start and celebrate. to be happy and all. i love countdowns.

then again, i m gonna be one yr older. hitting 20 already. right.. HAHA! well.. its not unusual that i will be 20 right?! reality hit me hard on new years day that i will be telling people that i m 20. wats the big deal u may ask. point is.. i duno too. it seems really scary. anywayz.. heres my 2008 resolutions.

- to spend more time with my family. oh yes.. i haven have the TIME to spend with my family. which is utter utter rubbish!!! i realise that WE (including u) have been so worked up with work and all that somehow, family come 2nd to everything else.
- to get distinctions in my remaining modules. right. in all seriousness, i need the distinctions. amongs all my friends, chermaine is the WORST! getting NO DISTINCTIONS at all!!! really and seriously... this is SECOND placing for resolution making!!! i need distinctions!
- to be the best teacher. right. this is sounding ambigious. seriously, i think i can be a better teacher to those kids. HA! with more patience, growing in that job. mayb.. hmm.. it will be my career instead of psychologist! HAHA!
- run difRays well. hmm.. difRays came a long way. thank you to all u girls who stand by me all the time! i still think i suck as a captain but HA! thank you thank you! i will try to bring the team forward and be the captain that stand by u and bring out the best in you. =D
- yes yes.. EXERCISING! oh rights! i need to get those fats out of my body! less fats= healthier living. HAHA!

well.. thats all for now! photos, some other time lar. 'm too lazy! =D back to summarizing my OB paper! -.-

2007-12-30T16:02:00.000-08:00

i ran on friday!!!!! i RAN!!!! omgomg. i can't believe that i have the motivation to run! haha! oh wells. i did 2.4km n clocked in 15:52. gosh... its sucky man!!!! WHO WANTS TO RUN WITH ME!? (yanling.. i see u! HAHA!) =D so i have been doing my essays. but argh.. i think i will have to hand in one later than the due date. n why?! cuz it dues on the exact same day n i have no time to do it!!! gosh.. AH! but to think abt it, i have 1 week to do 2 essays and and.. i m going to be done with my other essay. organisation behaviour essay seems to be more like a health psych essay. i duno if what i m doing is right lar. i pray i'm going the right track!!! HAHA!

i have been dreaming. dreaming of things that i hope will come true actually. HA! sometimes, weird dreams just pop up in my head. nono. not the kind that i sleep n dream. but its the kind that i sit and do something n a flash of situation pop up infront of me. well.. 2008 is coming.. doing countdown. countdown never seem so important to me. or rather, i did not see the importance of it till now. how slow can i be yah?!

i went to eski bar with jasmine the other night. wonderful night man!!!! n next stop!!! its to cold rock! i want to eat cold rock!!! i bet its gonna be better then BnJ! okay.. shut up!! HAHAHA! anyone from BnJ sees this, pretent u never see anything. HAHA!

jasmine n my drink! gosh.. i want more! =D

and so... BnJ day!!!! i worked with SARAH!!!!! u geeky geeky geek!!! u can't be compared to allt he geeks in the world!!!! u r just SO NOT geeky at all! muahaha!!! enjoy working with u sarah dearest! =D n its cuz i'm working with u thats why i remb abt work!!! =P BE HONOURED! HAHA!

a change in shift!!!!! sarah is the geeky one.. HAHA! yes.. n me.. the far right is shuyi with her new scandel at the far left, amanda who is my lesbian partner!!! if only francis came earlier, we will have a complete change shift photo! =D

so thats about it for the update. i have to finish my OB essay now b4 going for Pam's birthday chalet!!!! woot woot. i duno ifi'm excited abt it or what eh!!!! gosh.. HAHA!!! oh wells... to OB!!! =S

to end today's post.... here's bye bye from the ever geeky (not at all) SARAH!

2007-12-28T01:30:00.000-08:00

its 1am and i m blogging. nothing much actually. i m just so tired but i can't get to sleep cuz of the cough i'm having. coughing the entire day today. not forgetting yesterday, the day b4 n mayb even the day b4 that. this is getting irritating. mayb i should go see a doctor. then again, dad always say: "go eat medicine ah. see whats there in the fridge. go sleep early. i dun wan to waste money for u to go see a doctor." oh wells.

i miss the times that i can do completely nothing. today, went out with jasmine. when i was rushing from taka to wheelock in the fastest walking pace i ever walked, it just came to me that mayb, i should slow it down. there is always something in everyone's head. to get things done, to get things going. slow down guys, take it easy. then again, there are many many more things that one cannot relax for n hence, the fast pace of singapore. welcome to singapore.

*cough cough*

u know how sometimes i really really hate singaporeans!? they cut queue, make themself real low. today, when i was at the counter collecting my phone at nokia, there is this lady that cut my queue. so i just told jasmine that she did that. i let jasmine read my lips. i duno what di di do wrong! ha. then again, chermaine NEVER know what she did wrongly. so.. jasmine commented "welcome to Singapore!" n i replied her the same thing! n the lady asked me to go 1st. so i did. n then she complained ALOUD abt me being so low as to complain that she cut my queue. i was so close to slapping her.. seriously.

*cough cough*

shopping yesterday was simply fun. bought shirts! wow. i can't remember when was the last time i spent that much without even thinking. ha! some human being bought so many things too!! n got so happy! gosh. yesterday was fun.

n this is how the week went by. if not for sarah, i won't have remembered that i m working tmr morning. it just zoom by. n then poof! gone. n welcome 2008!

2007-12-23T23:12:00.000-08:00

so there was this dempsey party that day. totally felt out of place. i mean.. seriously. i really did try to fit in lor. but its just not working. but anyway.. i did closing b4 going down. did with amanda (who is currently my new lesbian lover) and joshua (who is irritating me from all the gimme gimme more). n xinjian (aka my neighbour from how lavinia will say) came to help a little. speed up the process so we can go b4 the midnight charge starts! n so... using joshua's mac book, we came up with this picture!

so carmen and i were bored when we went out with the aunties.. they had gathering.. we tagged along. n so.. we experiment with christmas!!! n i totally love this pic!!!! n hate the ball for not being clear!!!! oh wells. netball gathering at lavinia's place!!!!!!! point to take note. NEVER EVER allow under age to drink! if they do, CONTROL THEM and TEACH them the RIGHT way to drink n not get drunk! was so scary i tell u!
food prepared by us! OMG i tell u!!!! it is horrible!!! we got SO SO MUCH food!!!!! what u see is not all okay!!! theres like one more chicken, jello salad, LOG CAKE, PUMPKIN soup which was suppose to be for 10 ppl but made only for 2!!! tknx lavinia! HA!

and so.. the long awaited singles party!!!! organised by organizer- WANXIN and co organiser- ME! the party was WOO HOO!!!! will be better with the music and all tho. HA! but nevertheless, it was BRILLIANT! it was so so so fun!!! love it..

after the party it was like midnight. didn't feel like going home.. and SO.. went to tong shui!!! and tada.. ATE AGAIN! fat i tell u.. chermaine is putting on WEIGHT!look at the bread lar!!!! ITS HUGE!!! n nice!!!! OMG!!! i want to go eat now! shit! =P

anywayz... christmas is around the corner. i'm working tmr!!!!! what is this man!!!! work on xmas eve?! no mass for me. only on xmas day!! gosh. anywayz.. spend this xmas well ppl! celebrate not only the joy of giving and all the things u can get, but also, know the significance of this day. the birth of christ!

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2007-12-19T19:47:00.000-08:00

hey all! i haven been blogging as you can see. well what can i say.. MANY things are happening. and well.. happened! been so busy with so many little things and big huge things like school. what can i say eh?! went to watch enchanted that day with wanxin, carol and julia. and its such a good show. have i mentioned it already?! well.. if i did.. ha, its so good that i have to repeate it! and yes. i got hooked to he song So Close. its brilliant! the lyrics is at the end of the post. its simply briliant. =)

what else, yah. singles party tmr! well.. i'm excited. thats all i can say. i hope for the best. pray for the guidence and protection from the worst. friends who care is all i need. =) so thank you for being there. =) oh. there was a party last week b4 this coming one. it was difRays FIRST party! =) i'm so proud of all of you. you made this team! n theres no me alone so thank you very much for staying with me all the time thru ups and downs. follow up, was the dempsey party. bbq at dempsey.sounds weird eh?! HA! but they did it! =D was feeling kinda out of place tho. why?! i only work there once a week. and if its not cause of xinjian who works every monday when i work, i will not know anyone lar! HA! thank god for the ppl i meet in life! for some go away and some stay. i thank God for everything he planned.

see this God-ly thing i'm doing?! yah. kinda just realised it. =/ well.. chermaine have to go back to church. not only church i need to follow and get back to where i left off. churching on christmas eve i think. ha! jasmine!!!! let me know ya?! =D seriously, God is good God is great. he is the one seriously to help me find all the best things in life for me. friends.. really. F.R.I.E.N.D.S!

what else have i got to say!? everything is more or less perfect for me now. tho yesterday, it was really a horrible day. never fel so down. never felt so lousy. i will never do plannings again. i m not a leader. HA! i have to follow!!!! follower i m. =)

gosh. its so cold... i'm in class now listening to Eric talking about bullying! n its FREEZING! its like winter wonderland! oh my god! okay... some random thots... i want tmr to come. i m all excited! but really. i hope no one will get angry with me when i tell them they have to pay for it! oh no.. chermaine is scared for that matter only. but i shall be STRONG yah!? JASMINE!!! i need u to PSYCH me now! HA!

okay now.. i'll go listen to Eric talk about bullying. =P n i will update again tonight if i have to! =D for now, i'm happy. happiness is good!

before i go.. as promised.. the wonderful song.. "So Close" enjoy.

So Close by Jon Mclaughlin

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive
A life goes by Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close
So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close
How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

2007-12-06T23:46:00.000-08:00

why haven i blog for a darn long time? well.. busy? not exactly. not busy? not exactly too. well.

result is out. only for learning and behaviour. once again.. chermaine is disappointed with her results. she only got a credit. i really thought that i will get a distinction for this tho. omg.. this sem is gonna be all the way semester! study study study. but wait... not exactly.. JASMINE IS GONNA BE HOME SOON!!!! soonish!! =D and and and.. there are TONS of parties waiting for me!!!! woo hoo! i love life when its this way. but wait... i have to study at the same time.

i just catch enchanted. beautiful show. if u haven watch it, go catch it! and if u have a BF.. PLEASE bring him along too! haha! n vice versur! =D

netball!!! yes.. all about it.. umpiring is tougher then i thought. gosh.. its stressing me out! to be an umpire, it takes SO many qualities... 5Cs as how julie will put it! but wth... i'm gonna pass this man!!! and ohoh... monday is driving test again!!! gosh am i scared! twice i went into circuit and i mount kerb 3 times each time i'm in! wth!!!! this is not good!!!!! netball and driving and school is STRESSING THE HELL OUT OF ME!

so now.. chermaine is gonna be a.. studyholic!!!!! jasmine.. i will still spend time with u!!!!! =)

2007-11-28T00:50:00.000-08:00

i'm sure you have heard about the tragic news about the singapore dragon boat team. well.. now how does this concern me where i don't know anyone? to make matters worst, i dun even know that singapore have a dragon boat team. well.. my world appearently just revolve round netball eh? however, thats not my point now. my point is that i'm sad. n i truely am sad.

it makes me worry now. jasmine, i totally agree with you. i do worry. draw ur attention to the captain of the team. see him? yah.. look at him. he is responsible. i'm not blaming him. but now, parents will be questioning him. he went with 22 men, came back with 17 men. he feels sad. he feels bad. he feels horrible. and now, he have to explain. well.. i'm a captain myself. n its tough. but that i've been thru this. i was reading the papers today and i almost cried. somehow, i can relate to his lost. he's probably blaming himself. at least if this happens to me, i will be blaming myself. then again, its not a time to start blaming right?

i saw myself n my team going for a competition and somehow things happened. n now, i have to explain to the parents because i'm the captain. i don't know what else to say besides this. this captaincy thingy is scaring me even more. everytime when i compete and lose, its like, somehow, i feel its my fault. n when i'm not better than anyone in my team, i feel that i'm not fit to be the captain. now, does the captain have to be the best and the strongest or the person who can lead n bring the team to greater heights? i really don't know now.

just now, i ran with yanling. suppose to be a 3.4km run but i only ran 1.7km and jog the other 1.7km. i'm not proud to say it at all. to add on to this, i clocked in 12 mins (est) for 1.7km. what a looser. seriously. ha! n yanling was only slightly behind me. now.. i'm probably weak in the team. if not that, i'm probably the weakest. so now.. tell me, should a captain be the best and the strongest? or should the captain be the person who can make decisions and lead the team?

i leave u with this question.

2007-11-21T00:00:00.000-08:00

i stare blankly at this blog space. gosh. what did i wanted to say? i totally forgot.

i just finished watching 2 episodes of grey's anatomy. (thank you vivian! for finding that web for me!) now i'm stuck again. maybe this will be a very long post of god know's how i'm feeling. for one i know, that i'm once again either confused or making myself confused. i still dun have the energy to start doing anything related to academic work! and to hear people finishing all the things they need to do, seeing them start on their assignments make me think and feel that i'm pretty much a slacker. so what can i say, i slack and i whine at the end of the day.

nothing much i can do now. have decided to start on something but did not managed to. once again, its a failure in the the making. wtf is going on man?! this sem is suppose to be shittyly good. but its not working. its just rubbish. yes rubbish. i haven remember the time i have the want to study. yes.. i'm that pathetic. and to add on all the drama that's happening in school.. yah, i'm not going to talk abt tt. its so drama i feel. back off and go away drama stuff!!! float to the back of my head and if possible, out of my head.

its midweek. omg.. not good. coming to the end of week 4. god knows what and how i'm going to do for my microskills. i suck at it so much that i want to skip all classes pertaining to that. now, i do realise that the classes i dun like to attend has sumthing got to do with loke. well.. is it him or the subject?! god knows man. but i know that i have tons of readings to do b4 the exam comes which is in... yupp.. soon. less then 2 mths lets just say.

so with all the drama in my life, the not wanting to start doing work, feeling oh so tired, putting on weight and yes, my love life (which is so gonna be on hold now). i came up with a conclusion that i'm pretty useless. i'm procrastinating. and why is this so? because i m who i m. ha. funny. now i'm rubbishing. everything is pilling up.. yes.. all the way. i haven remember the time i got a good break. why?? i want to not do anything, or rather, do the things i love and thats about it. mayb go for a run alternate days, play netball, swim, tan, shopping without worrying the outflow of cash. yes.. thats the way it should be! but no.. i'm rushing my homework, trying to start on revision, trying to think of how to start on homework. i'm lazying and slacking.

coming to the end of the year, it keeps me thinking more now. so.. whats the highlight of my life if someone ask me to make a video about my life? ha... its boring trust me. i cannot remember anything good the happening. maybe is because of the mood i'm in now.

so now, a little note to jasmine yeo..
i'm getting scared as the days come nearer to you coming back to sunny island. i don't know why. maybe its because of all that happened last year. even with u assuring me that u will be okay if its just hanging out watching me do work n u doing nothing, i'm not convinced. i'm not confident with myself and i think i will screw up this vacation of yrs again. so... i duno what to do now.. talk to me yeah!?

what i really hope now is me getting down to do some productive work. i haven feel exhausted for a period of time already. its time again to feel tired and wear out.

THE END

2007-11-20T01:02:00.000-08:00

its funny how i can once again talk to you. i mean, i feel so relax talking to you now. maybe this is what people call friends. when one thing turns good, theres always another thing that will start to bother me. lets see.. hmm... i think i will move on. moreover, moving on is good right? i was disappointed once. and i thought that it will only be once. i was SO wrong. well.. the 2nd time, i was not hoping for anything but u magically pop up! which is nice, go my hopes high!! and guess what? i did not talk to you. whats up with the super cold shoulder!? and now, its the third time.. i was hoping everything will be fine but hmm..i guess not. why are u avoiding me!!! (at least i assume that you ar)

and when everything seems to be going upside down, i get to be with someone who is a stranger to me but not. i thank god for that. now, do i make sense?! hannah n dylan come down to dempsey today. DYLAN!!! continue to smell nice!!! =D

so heres my schedule for this week and nx week and MANY weeks to come.. its a routine.. with some changes everywhere.

monday- school 2-5pm

dempsey 530-12am

tuesday- school 9-5pm

wednesday- school 9am-10pm

thursday- school 9am-5pm

friday- GWC 1030am-430pm

training 6-8pm

saturday- piano 9am-3pm

sunday- piano 10-1045am

and in the mids of all these.. there are revisions, homework, projects to do! i'm screwed!

working with xin jian makes me smile!!! thank you! =D

2007-11-17T23:50:00.000-08:00

NETBALL GAME! singapore vs cook island! cool man!!! what was the score? ya.. 43:45. singapore lost! =(

Jeremy and adeline's wedding!

cherish what you have. seriously!

guess who won for the netball world champs? AUSTRALIA! okay. shut up chermaine!

2007-11-14T23:18:00.000-08:00

seems like ages since i last blog actually. haha! so heres a post! back dates stuff 1st yah?! =D

Counselling: wanxin and christine! gosh.. i tell you.. my counselling skill SUCK big time! have to work on it man!!! microskills in week 5!!! argh!!! 2 more weeks!!!!!

that day i went to my uncle's place. and look.. i think its pretty. not the best but its great yah? singapore eh! look at the sky! =D

and during John's class. hmm.. his class is ALWAYS boring. and to add on, its STATS! so yah.. super boring. BUT... he have to do some form of promotion eh? n thats when i woke up to listen to him talk! well.. that was wat's on the screen for say 10 mins of break. hmmm..

when waiting for janice father to send us home.. i took this pic of REALLY tired and high ppl! haha!!! xinjian, ivan and janice! =D
last photo for the day, christine brings out the child in me ALL the time! haha!!! look!!! childhood cookies i call it! pretty eh?! =D n yummy too! HAHA!

a little update on world champs. AHAH!! the ppl who went thru with me.. thank you.. so sorry to be such a bitch eh?! grumbling about singapore LOSSING, streaming NOT working, internet connection SUCK and all others along that line. well... Singapore is not doing great man!!! they lossing BIG TIME! haha! i wish them all the best now, to not be at the bottom.. they lost to TnT! gosh.. 5 nations won them.. now lose to them.. haya..! wasted! grr.. anywayz... i choose netball.. i'm gonna feel super guilty but watever now, its netball.. i've been waiting for SO long. =)

now, to bed.. but b4 that, many assignments running thur my brain.. gosh.. brain needs to rest man! AHHHHHH.. netballing again tomorrow?! haha! vivian will prob grumble at me again!! n i will prob make noise of the sucky internet connection!

2007-11-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

a total netball day today!!! woot woot!!! hmm... let see.. i woke up at 645am just to watch the match!! and haha.. the thing wasn't working! wat luck i tell u.. n u think this is already bad luck? wait till u hear how the day went! it was horribly horrible!! well.. it all started with me waking up at 645am.. yes.. blah blah.. and then, went to teach piano upstairs. woot! that was fun actually! =D and, RUSH to meet the team for the street netball game which starts at noon. and if we do not report by 1145am, we will be disqualified! and yes, we RUSHED like crazy people! -_-.. well, we met at bishan and decided to take a bus.. and TADA... there is TWO buses to take for that one bus number. and so, due tot he lack of time, we decided to CAB!! but we have FIVE people.. and so have to spilt into 2 cabs! darn it man!!! so, we reached there ON TIME!!! like noon. and the game, haha! haven start.. only started at 130pm! what luck again!!!! bad day so far eh?! =) and so, we went to warm up.. blah blah blah.. n tada..!! first game was horrible.. 8-4.. we lost. but we did play well for the other 2 games and tt got us into the next round. which is knock-out-round! hate that so much.. and we were SO UNLUCKY and got to play with XNIJ at that round. haiz.. and the team was REALLY REALLY POSITIVE!!

hannah: okay!!! violet.. we playing with u know who?!
violet: TP?
chermaine: no.. HAHA! (shows X with her fingers)
hannah: we playing with XNIJ!!!
violet: *shock expression*
chermaine: well.. haha!!! we are gonna lose!
hannah: haha!! yes.. lets just pack up and prepare to go.
violet: good idea!!!

see how the team works?! haha!!! super positive! *shake head* anywayz.. we did well with XNIJ!! scored 3 goals!! all violet putting the balls in! good job violet! =D hannah thot that IF we put in ONE goal, it will be good.. but we put in THREE!!! yayness! HAHA!

okay now.. so for participation, and the organization taking our money.. and us doing a good good good deed, we got a cert of participation! =)

and this is the team.. (xinyi!! i'll photoshop u in!!! with ur NUS student card pokay?! haha!) before the game with XNIJ! see.. violet is cooling off already!

brilliant day!!! tomorrow, Singapore vs Cooks Island at 710am!! gonna watch b4 driving!! =D

2007-11-07T23:38:00.000-08:00

end of SECOND week of school!!! and this is the CRAZY stuff we just love love love to do! =D somehow, everything revolves round snacks! i should invest on another teddy! -grins-

wan xin is taking a break!!!! she's having snacks! gosh!!! ITS A BEAR WAN XIN! haha =)

during counselling tut last week, leovine became snacks. the ALL GROWN UP.. and AFTER HIBERNATION snacks! haha! =D he looks like snacks! really!
OMG!!!! i get the hottest gossips from her!!!!! HAHAHAH! about my cousin! haha!!!! =D
ahahahah!!!! i did this when ai ni was teaching 3101 tut!!! AHHAHA! was super funny! mayb thats why there was a break not long after! =P told u snacks was cute!
lastly... VIVIAN!!! yes.. he is potential snacks number 3! =D the ALL GROWN UP from the other all grown up version! =D

so now... thats pretty much what happen for week 2! gosh... this is fast man!!!! =( oh yes... n not forgetting ALL the mega assignments pilling up... and all the mega mega readings!!! gosh.. okay.. i have to go start now! tata! =D

2007-11-06T22:33:00.000-08:00

okay.. right now.. only one thing is going through my brain.. "are you avoiding me?!" right.. i really hope ur not avoiding me for God knows what reason. gosh.. i hate it when things happen the way it happens and it all seems like its my fault when i clearly not know where and how it was my fault. seriously. i'm not confussed as how i used to feel. ha. i'm pokay.

so, recently, there are many things tt gave me a huge shock of my life. i started.. one of which is this one person that i feel.. seemingly seems to avoid me. ha. hmm.. the other is that, something strange is happening to one of my friend which sets me thinking. on top of all these things happening, i have school work! which i can finaly start sitting down to study. right.. so chermaine is gonna go study. -_- haha! well.. yes.. iw ill have to start soon. week 2 of school is starting to heat up! gosh.

and off course.. netball.. just got the fixtures of this sunday's game. any one wanna go down to support me?ha.. i mean my team. =D and yes.. i just subscribe to world netball champs! gosh.. 30 bucks! and i invested on a piano book! classical pieces. just got the urge to play piano alot now! HAHA! =) well.. thats it from me..

engaging in asian geographic